Category Archives: Whathafuck?

Older and, hopefully, wiser

I’m not going to use any gimmicks in this post. No protracted sentences. No loquaciousness. No references only understandable to certain people. It will just be my attempt at simple, straight, hard facts.

I have often complained of how life throws shit in my face. Whined in wangst at fate and the tortures it puts me through. And I did nothing about it.

A mining analogy:

We are all digging for gold, diamonds and other gems (ideological and literal) to enrich our lives. And some of us happen to hit a drainage pipe and end up with a pile of shit in our beloved gold mines. I am one of these people. People try to assist you out of this (in this analogy, literal, but otherwise metaphorical) shithole. And I was no different. Except that I didn’t use them to get out. Rather, I almost pulled them in.

Now, I’m through.

If I whine again, shoot me.

It is time for action.

But first… A few words which I have to make known public.

The people I knew while I wrote this blog over the past 4 years have defined this era of my life. An era that is reaching its end. And they deserve my thanks. I will not hide any details, by the way. If anyone here would like me to; say so and I will give you my id and password for WordPress. Knock yourselves out.

First, and most important:

Monisha Vemavarapu: Venom, SuperMon and a million sobriquets. No one has influenced me as much as she. Currently in London on an exchange program, she is dating a large, oafish, somewhat paranoid, whiny, self-obsessed and neurotic nutbag. I feel that she perhaps deserves better; but she’s a wiser judge of such things than I am. No one I have ever known has ever evolved so much so quickly. When I first was re-acquainted with her, she was a wild, kranti-kari, ultra-modernist pseudo-hippie. She is now one of the most level-headed determined and pragmatically intelligent people I know. I will be frank: When I first met her, both online and in person, I felt I was the superior individual. But I must now concede this title to her. She has proven herself to be a most fascinating person and one who accepts a random destiny with an élan that I wish I possessed. Monisha is one of those people who you just know will not fade quietly into the night, and will leave a mark on the world. I find my vocabulary failing me in my attempts to describe how happy I am to have known, and know, this singularly unique individual. I sincerely hope that we will never become strangers through providence or (more likely) some ridiculous action of mine.

Nimish Batra: After working at Infosys Technologies in Bangalore, Nimish is now pursuing a Master’s degree at the University of Florida. Nimish’s jesting misanthropy was what really resulted in our ever becoming friends. We shared in our fandom for Douglas Adams, I introduced him to Radiohead, and he introduced me to Monty Python. But in our protracted one-downmanship contests, (held periodically over the internet, the telephone and in person) I believe I learnt a lot. And perhaps too much. I appreciate and respect him for a lot of things, but I must say that what applies to me in a large measure applies to you too… Stop whining. Shut up and live. The thing about Nimish that few people get is that he is a genuinely warm-hearted person. Try visiting his home in South Ex, and be amazed at the hospitality shown by him and his family. One part of his brain has the capacity to make him do what’s necessary and drag him across the finish line while the other part is kicking and screaming. As long as that former part dominates the latter, he has nothing to worry about. Genuinely.

Dinesh Kapur: Decay is currently working in Gurgaon for a sustainable ventures firm whose name I can never remember, but it starts with a W. (edit: WinRock! It’s WinRock!) His George Best old-school footballing skills are no longer useful to him in the modern game much like my Karl Marx old-school thinking skills are of no use to me in the modern world. As I’ve often said; this man is a kindred spirit. We’re almost alter-egos of each other. Decay is someone who I can trust to understand my point of view on a matter, usually because he’s been there before. Like Monisha, Dinesh is someone who I feel is destined for far bigger things in life than he can possibly see now. And like Monisha, is an individual in possession of far too many talents, such that it looks unfair to the rest of us.

Anupam Guha: After a successful stint at the Georgia Institute of Technology (where he completed a 2-year Master’s course in a year with a perfect 4.0 CGPA), Guha is currently in Ahmadabad, working for a company that pays him to essentially be their poster-boy. His relationship with Anupama (who I’ve never met properly) was much joked about (my contribution was the idea for “Anupam (1+a)” wedding cards) in college. Oddly enough, it appears to be highly likely that theirs’ will be the first marriage of a friend that I will be a guest of. The conversations on every topic under and beyond the sun were, and still remain, much appreciated. Even the ones where we vehemently disagree. And his conviction to “save” me and show me that humanity is worth saving might just pay off. The path of the wannabe Bushido-ist is fraught with many perils, I joked of him. Well it appears that he intends on making these words an eerie prophecy. Much like a Katana, he has forged his tamahagane worldviews by repeatedly putting it through fire, folding it and beating the shit of it. And that’s why Guha will probably end up as that rarest species of all: A happy, intelligent man who is satisfied with his life and the world he is living in. Or we’ll embark on our plan for revolution. He’ll be Trotsky, I’ll be Stalin… Minus the backstabbing, of course.

Ashwin Murali: After half a year of working 80-90 hour weeks at Citibank, he’s now at his palatial penthouse in Nasik preparing for a second MBA. Ashwin’s greatest trait as a friend has been his ability to listen to me constantly abuse, demote, shout at, vilify and generally insult him for over 3 years with a patient nod and that irritatingly reassuring stupid smile. He set me off on a tangential path in my worldview, for which I still hate him by the way, but it might perhaps lead to a better future. You better hope it does bro.

Akhil Garg: Working at Accenture in Hyderabad, his tryst with the Alagappa family continues as my sister was his HR rep as a trainee. We have both learnt, very late, that we weren’t as bad roommates to have as we thought. Perhaps immaturity came between what could’ve been a far more rewarding friendship for us.

Swati, Priya and Ankur: Swati is working with Wipro in Bangalore while Priya is doing her Master’s at the University of Sussex, I believe. Ankur is doing his Master’s at IIT Kharagpur. I drove you guys away from me in a fit of madness and have regretted that decision since. My yet unfinished college life would have been far better if I had not done that.

Nitesh Bhasin: The entrepreneur and fellow backlogger. We really dump on you more than you deserve. The fact remains that if you hadn’t taken the effort of befriending me in IP University that day, I wouldn’t have gotten to know a lot of the people mentioned here. You’ll either end up in jail or in Forbes. Have fun in Vegas.

M.V. Harish: Another man at Georgia Tech, here’s to perpetuating the “crazy Telugu mofo” image with me. Keep it real with the brothas in the hood in Atlanta. We’ll meet up in a gun shop or seedy beer bar someday.

Many others ought to feature in this list, but I feel it has become so sappy, your monitors might have started leaking already; so wait for another epiphany and moment of emo-ness.

Seriously, I have so many epiphanies; it’s hard to tell which ones are genuine.

Oh, and I almost to mention… This post formally ends this blog. There will be no more posting on Chaosverse any longer. Frankly, I would like some order. Unpredictability and randomness are, as always, welcome; but I’ve had it with the chaos.

I would like to delete this blog, but perhaps will save it. Someday, the people mentioned in this post will look back and this and other posts and laugh at the naivety, stupidity, folly, and immaturity on display.

6 Comments

Filed under "Fluid Exchange", "Zapped", Anything Seriously Anything, Art, As Porf. Frink says..., Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Blogroll, Clarifications, College, Crap Rating- *****, Delta-X, Don't bother about categories, Et Cetera Et Cetera, Gods! What Have I Done!, Ideas, Ideas --> Words --> ???, In an interstellar burst, influencing things that I am influenced by, Life, Phil0s0phy, Pointless rambling, Predictions, Prophecies of Doom, Random, Rants, Relationshits, Same as above, Something or the other, Subsiste Sermonem Statim, Taureum Excretae, The "Gentler" Sex? Yeah Right, The Bullshit Is Out There, The End, The few rare Good things that actuallyhappen in my life, the influence of influencing things that influence me, This concerns YOU!, This is not a joke!, Travel and Living, Unsolicited solicitor of advice, What. The. Hell?, Whathafuck?

Engineers? Who? Where?

My summer training has supposedly been in progress for the last month. In this time, we have had to go to college 18 times. And today, we had our first lecture. Did someone say farce?

The people who gave these lectures noted the utter and complete lack of interest, dedication, motivation and attention amongst the students present, so they droned on for barely more than an hour each. The weird bit was… these were perhaps the first lectures in my two years at this here “college” where I actually felt we were learning something close to what an engineer ought to know. Did someone say charade?

The 40-minute FEM lecture was conducted by a man who claimed to have a Master’s degree from IIT-Roorkee and Fellowships from Universities in Italy and Greece. I guess he did, because his accent had equal traces of all these three places. Did someone say mockery?

Semi-knowledgeable though they were, all our guest lecturers were united in their commitment to making one, grotesque mistake. They kept referring to us as ‘Engineers’. Whathafuck? ME? An Engineer? HAH! Did someone say satire?

In a series of events that is probably related to the gist of the above-mentioned (which has been written in a manner that clearly shows my bloc hasn’t gone anywhere and now I’m wondering if I ought to write at ALL…), I’m now rekindling my interest in subjects I had speculatively wanted to make a career in of when I was young. Stuff like Anthropology, Paleontology, Ancient History, Philosophy etc. Did someone say burlesque?

Did someone say absolutely anything at all?

 

1 Comment

Filed under Arrgh!!!, Blah Blah Blah, College, Crap Rating- *****, Ideas, Ideas --> Words --> ???, Life, Phil0s0phy, Pointless rambling, Random, Rants, Screw you..., Taureum Excretae, The Bullshit Is Out There, Whathafuck?

The presence of an absence

I’m bad at pretty much everything, but I’m exceptionally bad at social activities. I have always been under the impression that people prefer the presence of my absence. It’s not dissimilar to the sequence from Black Adder the Third, where Baldrick explains why he thinks his first name is “sod off“.

When I was a child and playing in the gutter, I used to say to the other snipes “Hello, my name’s Baldrick,” and they would reply, “Yes, we know. Sod off, Baldrick!”

This is usually okay with me. But the strange bit is when I start receiving evidence to the contrary. So, the idea that the reaction (not exactly prevalent everywhere, but prevalent nevertheless) to the presence of my absence is not indifference but rather a very slight amount of sadness is… surprising, gratifying and also frustrating.

Surprising because… Hell, I never expected people to miss me! It’s such new and unusual territory!

Gratifying. That’s obvious isn’t it?

Frustrating… Because it is not only one-sided. And more importantly, WHY THE FUCK AM I ALWAYS SHORT ON CASH?!

This is new. I miss someone pretty badly. And I’m doing nothing to alleviate the situation. Yeah, ain’t I just great? Goddam it, I feel so inadequate right now. It’s pathetic, pitiful and also true. What I need is a vacation! Ankur’s not enjoying Himachal, so I guess I better keep away. Question is, where do I go? A lot of places come to mind: Leh, Agra, Varanasi, Hyderabad, Vishakapatnam et cetera. 

This weekend is perhaps the best one I’ve had since the end of May! Today was a great afternoon spent in the company (cum panis heh heh heh) of friends, rum, butter chicken and a joke involving a girl mispronouncing the last word in the sentence “I want a Large Coke”; whereas tomorrow is some free Pizza and Beer at Gurgaon. After that, it’s back to the old charade of summer training. Sec-37 to sec-125 and back.

As for the bloc and this thing here… I guess I’m going to stick around and try to beat it. The problem is that I do not truly understand why I blog.

3 Comments

Filed under "Zapped", Blah Blah Blah, Blogroll, Crap Rating- *****, Life, Pointless rambling, Random, Rants, This concerns YOU!, Whathafuck?, Why Life Sucks

Weird, ainnit?

Depression and melodrama seem to be a collective group thing. You see one person down in the dumps and next thing you know BOOM! everyone’s feeling miserable. I was feeling low some time back. Am not fully recovered, but I am better, which is what being depressed is all about.

The reasons behind my mood swinging and the bitterness and stuff are something that never change:

  • Career, or lack thereof.
  • Paranoia.
  • Academics.
  • Finances.
  • Self-doubt.

Somehow, I have trained myself to refuse to acknowledge anything to do with emotions. I don’t know why I do it, I just do. And in the process, I have trouble figuring out what it is that I feel. I don’t understand a damn thing.

Do you ever have this feeling where the person you really want to see at some moment in time is also the one person you do not want to see at that moment?

But that’s behind me now. At least I hope it is. My 3rd sem results are coming soon. Fuck.

 It’s gonna be… A Glooooooorius Day! I feel my luck could change…

3 Comments

Filed under Blah Blah Blah, Blogroll, College, Crap Rating- *****, Et Cetera Et Cetera, Ideas --> Words --> ???, Pointless rambling, Rants, Same as above, Something or the other, What. The. Hell?, Whathafuck?

Pwn maadi

i keep the wolf from the door
but he calls me up
calls me on the phone
tells me all the ways that he’s gonna mess me up
steal all my children
if i don’t pay the ransom
but i’ll never see him again
if i squeal to the cops

In my case, it’s a Punjabi Infosissy. But this bit of xenophobic (sarcastic, perhaps. but I really don’t care) stupidity shall not go undocumented!

Scene: A phone call. Delhi-ite in Bangalore to a Bangalorean/Hyderabadi in Delhi.

TBB: I’m addicted to ghee roasts! All I eat everyday are ghee roasts!

THF: YOU BASTARD! You complain about eating ghee roasts all the time when I have to survive on chole kulcha! I spit me ‘zem all, ‘zis North Indian cuisine of yours.

TBB: Chole Kulcha at that place in South-Ex is better than Ghee Roasts anyday!

THF: A likely answer! Try something different, then.

TBB: Like what?

THF: Try Bisi Bele Bath. It’s one of my favorites.

TBB: What?

THF: Bisi Bele Bath.

TBB: What the fuck is that?

THF: Bisi = hot. Bele = dal. Bath = rice. It’s really good, trust me.

*silence*

TBB: You’re trying to get me beaten up, aren’t you? You think by making me ask for something in Kannad (with punjabi accent) or Tamil whose meaning I don’t understand, you can get me beaten up or laughed at or both. Well, guess again! I’m sticking to my ghee roasts! If I wanted “hot dal rice”, I would fall sick. I only eat “hot dal rice” when I’m sick.

THF: Bravo. *clap… clap… clap*

By the way, since you put all your trust in human beings… here you go.

6 Comments

Filed under *cough cough* comedy, Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Clarifications, Rants, Scousers, Screw you..., Whathafuck?, YOU need a boot to the head!

Human Behavior-101, Please?

cryp·tic [krip-tik]

–adjective.

1. mysterious in meaning; puzzling; ambiguous: a cryptic message.
2. abrupt; terse; short: a cryptic note.
3. secret; occult: a cryptic writing.
4. involving or using cipher, code, etc.

[Origin: 1595–1605; < LL crypticus < Gk kryptikós hidden.]

cryp·ti·cal·ly, adverb
1. enigmatic, perplexing. See ambiguous.
Why is it that I find everything that was said to me today comes under this category? Am I just too paranoid? Or do I need to be constantly reassured? It was a surreal day. Just, totally surreal. Maybe… I don’t know, man! I. Just. Don’t. Know.
Don’t “give me a sign”. I’m bad at dealing with people. I’m blunt and everything simply because I do not understand any other way of communicating.
The primary thought that’s playing in my head right now is… “Is this a joke of some sort? Am I on candid camera? Am I being made a bakra / punk’d?
I need a human behavior-101 course. Don’t say that we already get them at my university. They “teach” us how to behave with others, not how to interpret other people’s behavior. I’m a confused, paranoid mess.
And, yes, NIFT is not half as bad as I’d thought it would be. Nice place, great people.

Leave a comment

Filed under "Zapped", Anything Seriously Anything, Arrgh!!!, Whathafuck?