Category Archives: Same as above

Older and, hopefully, wiser

I’m not going to use any gimmicks in this post. No protracted sentences. No loquaciousness. No references only understandable to certain people. It will just be my attempt at simple, straight, hard facts.

I have often complained of how life throws shit in my face. Whined in wangst at fate and the tortures it puts me through. And I did nothing about it.

A mining analogy:

We are all digging for gold, diamonds and other gems (ideological and literal) to enrich our lives. And some of us happen to hit a drainage pipe and end up with a pile of shit in our beloved gold mines. I am one of these people. People try to assist you out of this (in this analogy, literal, but otherwise metaphorical) shithole. And I was no different. Except that I didn’t use them to get out. Rather, I almost pulled them in.

Now, I’m through.

If I whine again, shoot me.

It is time for action.

But first… A few words which I have to make known public.

The people I knew while I wrote this blog over the past 4 years have defined this era of my life. An era that is reaching its end. And they deserve my thanks. I will not hide any details, by the way. If anyone here would like me to; say so and I will give you my id and password for WordPress. Knock yourselves out.

First, and most important:

Monisha Vemavarapu: Venom, SuperMon and a million sobriquets. No one has influenced me as much as she. Currently in London on an exchange program, she is dating a large, oafish, somewhat paranoid, whiny, self-obsessed and neurotic nutbag. I feel that she perhaps deserves better; but she’s a wiser judge of such things than I am. No one I have ever known has ever evolved so much so quickly. When I first was re-acquainted with her, she was a wild, kranti-kari, ultra-modernist pseudo-hippie. She is now one of the most level-headed determined and pragmatically intelligent people I know. I will be frank: When I first met her, both online and in person, I felt I was the superior individual. But I must now concede this title to her. She has proven herself to be a most fascinating person and one who accepts a random destiny with an élan that I wish I possessed. Monisha is one of those people who you just know will not fade quietly into the night, and will leave a mark on the world. I find my vocabulary failing me in my attempts to describe how happy I am to have known, and know, this singularly unique individual. I sincerely hope that we will never become strangers through providence or (more likely) some ridiculous action of mine.

Nimish Batra: After working at Infosys Technologies in Bangalore, Nimish is now pursuing a Master’s degree at the University of Florida. Nimish’s jesting misanthropy was what really resulted in our ever becoming friends. We shared in our fandom for Douglas Adams, I introduced him to Radiohead, and he introduced me to Monty Python. But in our protracted one-downmanship contests, (held periodically over the internet, the telephone and in person) I believe I learnt a lot. And perhaps too much. I appreciate and respect him for a lot of things, but I must say that what applies to me in a large measure applies to you too… Stop whining. Shut up and live. The thing about Nimish that few people get is that he is a genuinely warm-hearted person. Try visiting his home in South Ex, and be amazed at the hospitality shown by him and his family. One part of his brain has the capacity to make him do what’s necessary and drag him across the finish line while the other part is kicking and screaming. As long as that former part dominates the latter, he has nothing to worry about. Genuinely.

Dinesh Kapur: Decay is currently working in Gurgaon for a sustainable ventures firm whose name I can never remember, but it starts with a W. (edit: WinRock! It’s WinRock!) His George Best old-school footballing skills are no longer useful to him in the modern game much like my Karl Marx old-school thinking skills are of no use to me in the modern world. As I’ve often said; this man is a kindred spirit. We’re almost alter-egos of each other. Decay is someone who I can trust to understand my point of view on a matter, usually because he’s been there before. Like Monisha, Dinesh is someone who I feel is destined for far bigger things in life than he can possibly see now. And like Monisha, is an individual in possession of far too many talents, such that it looks unfair to the rest of us.

Anupam Guha: After a successful stint at the Georgia Institute of Technology (where he completed a 2-year Master’s course in a year with a perfect 4.0 CGPA), Guha is currently in Ahmadabad, working for a company that pays him to essentially be their poster-boy. His relationship with Anupama (who I’ve never met properly) was much joked about (my contribution was the idea for “Anupam (1+a)” wedding cards) in college. Oddly enough, it appears to be highly likely that theirs’ will be the first marriage of a friend that I will be a guest of. The conversations on every topic under and beyond the sun were, and still remain, much appreciated. Even the ones where we vehemently disagree. And his conviction to “save” me and show me that humanity is worth saving might just pay off. The path of the wannabe Bushido-ist is fraught with many perils, I joked of him. Well it appears that he intends on making these words an eerie prophecy. Much like a Katana, he has forged his tamahagane worldviews by repeatedly putting it through fire, folding it and beating the shit of it. And that’s why Guha will probably end up as that rarest species of all: A happy, intelligent man who is satisfied with his life and the world he is living in. Or we’ll embark on our plan for revolution. He’ll be Trotsky, I’ll be Stalin… Minus the backstabbing, of course.

Ashwin Murali: After half a year of working 80-90 hour weeks at Citibank, he’s now at his palatial penthouse in Nasik preparing for a second MBA. Ashwin’s greatest trait as a friend has been his ability to listen to me constantly abuse, demote, shout at, vilify and generally insult him for over 3 years with a patient nod and that irritatingly reassuring stupid smile. He set me off on a tangential path in my worldview, for which I still hate him by the way, but it might perhaps lead to a better future. You better hope it does bro.

Akhil Garg: Working at Accenture in Hyderabad, his tryst with the Alagappa family continues as my sister was his HR rep as a trainee. We have both learnt, very late, that we weren’t as bad roommates to have as we thought. Perhaps immaturity came between what could’ve been a far more rewarding friendship for us.

Swati, Priya and Ankur: Swati is working with Wipro in Bangalore while Priya is doing her Master’s at the University of Sussex, I believe. Ankur is doing his Master’s at IIT Kharagpur. I drove you guys away from me in a fit of madness and have regretted that decision since. My yet unfinished college life would have been far better if I had not done that.

Nitesh Bhasin: The entrepreneur and fellow backlogger. We really dump on you more than you deserve. The fact remains that if you hadn’t taken the effort of befriending me in IP University that day, I wouldn’t have gotten to know a lot of the people mentioned here. You’ll either end up in jail or in Forbes. Have fun in Vegas.

M.V. Harish: Another man at Georgia Tech, here’s to perpetuating the “crazy Telugu mofo” image with me. Keep it real with the brothas in the hood in Atlanta. We’ll meet up in a gun shop or seedy beer bar someday.

Many others ought to feature in this list, but I feel it has become so sappy, your monitors might have started leaking already; so wait for another epiphany and moment of emo-ness.

Seriously, I have so many epiphanies; it’s hard to tell which ones are genuine.

Oh, and I almost to mention… This post formally ends this blog. There will be no more posting on Chaosverse any longer. Frankly, I would like some order. Unpredictability and randomness are, as always, welcome; but I’ve had it with the chaos.

I would like to delete this blog, but perhaps will save it. Someday, the people mentioned in this post will look back and this and other posts and laugh at the naivety, stupidity, folly, and immaturity on display.

6 Comments

Filed under "Fluid Exchange", "Zapped", Anything Seriously Anything, Art, As Porf. Frink says..., Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Blogroll, Clarifications, College, Crap Rating- *****, Delta-X, Don't bother about categories, Et Cetera Et Cetera, Gods! What Have I Done!, Ideas, Ideas --> Words --> ???, In an interstellar burst, influencing things that I am influenced by, Life, Phil0s0phy, Pointless rambling, Predictions, Prophecies of Doom, Random, Rants, Relationshits, Same as above, Something or the other, Subsiste Sermonem Statim, Taureum Excretae, The "Gentler" Sex? Yeah Right, The Bullshit Is Out There, The End, The few rare Good things that actuallyhappen in my life, the influence of influencing things that influence me, This concerns YOU!, This is not a joke!, Travel and Living, Unsolicited solicitor of advice, What. The. Hell?, Whathafuck?

Mental MP3 Attacks Again!

My mood can usually be encapsulated by studying which songs are playing in my head. And since last night, it’s been the same damn song. This one. Which is odd because House or Dance Electronica isn’t what you’ll usually catch me listening to. Though I can’t say I despise it. I have nothing against any genre, actually. (Except Bubblegum Pop. I HATE THOSE FUCKING BUBBLEGUM POP MORONS!)

So, yeah, I guess that does express what’s the state of the thing formerly known as my mind. I know it’s kind of lujjar-esque lyrically, but it’s not that bad. There are, in fact, very few songs that deal with that topic and do not have lujjar-esque lyrics. My personal favorite is…

You can laugh, a spineless laugh. We hope your rules and wisdom choke you. For now we are one, in everlasting peace. We hope that you choke. That you choke.

Strangely enough, the song that did occupy my mind until this one replaced it does not immediately give one any hint as to what my state of mind was then. So, Mars bar to anyone who can tell me. The song is what Terrance and Phillip sing in their maiden appearance on American television on the Ed Sullivan show. (Check out Season 5 ep.5 ‘Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow‘)

Till then… ‘Days Go By…’

5 Comments

Filed under "Zapped", Blah Blah Blah, Life, Pointless rambling, Random, Same as above, This concerns YOU!

A Collection of Modern-Day Pictograms…

Advice: Expectations are the worst thing you can ever inflict on yourself. Especially expecting yourself to do things that aren’t needed.

Note: Goddam it! I’m writing this and all of a sudden, my mp3 player starts playing Behind Blue Eyes.  Second level-10 freaky coincidence (sign?!) to happen in less than 24 hours.

Right-o, advice: Being a loner, and one of those “Fuck you and what you think” type loners to boot, I’ve never mastered the art of impressing people. So when I try… I end up coming across as “angry, irritated” or what is more likely, “creepy and exceptionally stupid”. So, kids… Don’t expect to do great things. Do what you have to, what comes naturally and most importantly… relax.

I’m really irritated and angry, though. At myself. Maybe I ought to… I don’t know what to do. The system. Laziness. Incompetence. Ability. Thoughts. Emotions. Love. Hatred. Freedom. The illusion. Stupid. Intelligent. Woman. Man. Dream. Reality. Dream. Dream. Dream. Day dream. Consciousness. Lack of. Evolving as a person. Untrue to your word. Hypocrisy. Diplomacy. Grammar. Spelling. Research and Planning. Lack thereof. Excess. Deficient. Over-hyped. Under-rated. GO AWAY! (Please don’t leave me! )

A horrible new day will dawn. Everything will cease. I will finally be…

2 Comments

Filed under Arrgh!!!, Avert your eyes!, Blah Blah Blah, Crap Rating- *****, Et Cetera Et Cetera, Fuck off, I need a boot to the head..., In an interstellar burst, just don't., Life, No, Pain, Pointless rambling, Rants, Same as above, Screw you..., STFU, Subsiste Sermonem Statim, Taureum Excretae, The Bullshit Is Out There, V for Violence, What. The. Hell?

Weird, ainnit?

Depression and melodrama seem to be a collective group thing. You see one person down in the dumps and next thing you know BOOM! everyone’s feeling miserable. I was feeling low some time back. Am not fully recovered, but I am better, which is what being depressed is all about.

The reasons behind my mood swinging and the bitterness and stuff are something that never change:

  • Career, or lack thereof.
  • Paranoia.
  • Academics.
  • Finances.
  • Self-doubt.

Somehow, I have trained myself to refuse to acknowledge anything to do with emotions. I don’t know why I do it, I just do. And in the process, I have trouble figuring out what it is that I feel. I don’t understand a damn thing.

Do you ever have this feeling where the person you really want to see at some moment in time is also the one person you do not want to see at that moment?

But that’s behind me now. At least I hope it is. My 3rd sem results are coming soon. Fuck.

 It’s gonna be… A Glooooooorius Day! I feel my luck could change…

3 Comments

Filed under Blah Blah Blah, Blogroll, College, Crap Rating- *****, Et Cetera Et Cetera, Ideas --> Words --> ???, Pointless rambling, Rants, Same as above, Something or the other, What. The. Hell?, Whathafuck?

Today is gonna be the day that they’re gonna throw it back to… someone or the other

It must be Saturday.

I can never get the hang of Saturday.

They go well. Or weirdly. Sometimes, like today for instance, it’s both.

Woke up late! This is the first weekend I’ve had in a long, long time. The ones till now were ruined by cleaning up after a drunken night with a huge hangover, going to pointless college fests, internals, the trip et cetera. But today was a blank slate. I have nothing to do. Absolutely nothing! Ah!!!

Played basketball after a long time. Dressed like a fool. I couldn’t care less. Had loads of fun.

Met a random person and bought them dinner. Had a nice evening. But… something felt strange. There’s no way to explain it except for an analogy:

It’s like someone’s trying to understand the Standard Model immediately after reading the Copenhagen Interpretation.

Things got weirder:

I got down from the bus at AIIMS and plugged in the mp3 player. It starts off with the lines:

(…) looks like the real thing
Tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic
But I can’t help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

I then walked for an hour from “Rajnigandha Chowk” to ‘ma crib/hizze’ in sector-49, listening to The Bends in album repeat. Usually, I skip three songs (this one, this one aaaanddd… this one). This time I skipped this one.

I feel… unusual.

Intelligence is the ability to articulate one’s stupidity.

1 Comment

Filed under "Zapped", Anything Seriously Anything, Random, Relationshits, Same as above, The "Gentler" Sex? Yeah Right, Travel and Living

Before Sunrise

Finally saw the damn movie. It’s quite obvious that I’m not the kind of people who enjoy such flicks. I mean, it was no surprise that I happen to be a fan of four of the top five movies with the highest deaths in them. So… why this? Why a movie that drips with sappy romance?

Answer: Curiosity. It was recommended to me. I still thought I’ll never quite get around to watching it. Then my roommate sees it and gives me the review, “Ethan Hawke’s character is 80% you.WTF?

Intrigued, I sat down and saw it in one uninterrupted stretch. And my review: I am definitely not like that, am I? As for the movie itself, I hate to say this… but it’s actually quite good. Yes, it’s romantic and unreal and all that crap… but it’s not annoyingly romantic, unreal and all that crap. And that makes a huge difference.

Plus, it’s Hollywood… It’s Europe… It’s Vienna… It’s a beautiful French girl and an American guy (I have given up trying to figure which kind of men women find attractive and which kind they don’t)… Instead of getting mugged, they find a poet who writes them a pretty decent poem… They *ahem, “make love” in a park and don’t get arrested and/or molested and killed by hoodlums… They find topics of conversation that last all evening…

So, yeah, it’s unrealistic and is capable of ruining a relationship by setting the bar for a romantic conversation while walking around a city somewhere in the stratosphere. But, strangely enough, most romantic movies do that. They’ll give couples an insanely unassailable benchmark which will make the people think, “Wait… this isn’t like <insert movie name here>, so he/she is not my “one true-blue honeybunny” love!”

Leave a comment

Filed under "Zapped", Anything Seriously Anything, Avert your eyes!, Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Cinema, Film, Life, Phil0s0phy, Relationshits, Reviews, Same as above

Two down…

You all did see that on the Lupercal
I thrice presented him a kingly crown,
Which he did thrice refuse: was this ambition?
Yet Brutus says he was ambitious;
And, sure, he is an honourable man.

Twice, in my case. No problem: Time is on your side, Its on your side now. Not pushing you down and all around. It’s no cause for concern.

I usually deal with people in a manner similar to how Krishna dealt with Shishupal, give them an unspecified number of chances before actually doing anything (As Judiciary Pag LIVR a.k.a. Zipo Bibrok 5 × 108 says, “Well, they’re entitled to an opinion? Right?“).

I make NO exceptions, do you hear me? None. So, two down… how many to go?

Ah… well… Seeing that you are not merely a first-order perturbation as most people are, but a higher-order derivation (maybe 4.2th?)… the coupling constant and stuff like that result in my quantum field theory giving this answer. That’s how many chances you get.

Leave a comment

Filed under "Zapped", Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Does It Even Matter What The Fucking Category Is? Serio, Random, Rants, Same as above, This concerns YOU!