Category Archives: Prophecies of Doom

Older and, hopefully, wiser

I’m not going to use any gimmicks in this post. No protracted sentences. No loquaciousness. No references only understandable to certain people. It will just be my attempt at simple, straight, hard facts.

I have often complained of how life throws shit in my face. Whined in wangst at fate and the tortures it puts me through. And I did nothing about it.

A mining analogy:

We are all digging for gold, diamonds and other gems (ideological and literal) to enrich our lives. And some of us happen to hit a drainage pipe and end up with a pile of shit in our beloved gold mines. I am one of these people. People try to assist you out of this (in this analogy, literal, but otherwise metaphorical) shithole. And I was no different. Except that I didn’t use them to get out. Rather, I almost pulled them in.

Now, I’m through.

If I whine again, shoot me.

It is time for action.

But first… A few words which I have to make known public.

The people I knew while I wrote this blog over the past 4 years have defined this era of my life. An era that is reaching its end. And they deserve my thanks. I will not hide any details, by the way. If anyone here would like me to; say so and I will give you my id and password for WordPress. Knock yourselves out.

First, and most important:

Monisha Vemavarapu: Venom, SuperMon and a million sobriquets. No one has influenced me as much as she. Currently in London on an exchange program, she is dating a large, oafish, somewhat paranoid, whiny, self-obsessed and neurotic nutbag. I feel that she perhaps deserves better; but she’s a wiser judge of such things than I am. No one I have ever known has ever evolved so much so quickly. When I first was re-acquainted with her, she was a wild, kranti-kari, ultra-modernist pseudo-hippie. She is now one of the most level-headed determined and pragmatically intelligent people I know. I will be frank: When I first met her, both online and in person, I felt I was the superior individual. But I must now concede this title to her. She has proven herself to be a most fascinating person and one who accepts a random destiny with an élan that I wish I possessed. Monisha is one of those people who you just know will not fade quietly into the night, and will leave a mark on the world. I find my vocabulary failing me in my attempts to describe how happy I am to have known, and know, this singularly unique individual. I sincerely hope that we will never become strangers through providence or (more likely) some ridiculous action of mine.

Nimish Batra: After working at Infosys Technologies in Bangalore, Nimish is now pursuing a Master’s degree at the University of Florida. Nimish’s jesting misanthropy was what really resulted in our ever becoming friends. We shared in our fandom for Douglas Adams, I introduced him to Radiohead, and he introduced me to Monty Python. But in our protracted one-downmanship contests, (held periodically over the internet, the telephone and in person) I believe I learnt a lot. And perhaps too much. I appreciate and respect him for a lot of things, but I must say that what applies to me in a large measure applies to you too… Stop whining. Shut up and live. The thing about Nimish that few people get is that he is a genuinely warm-hearted person. Try visiting his home in South Ex, and be amazed at the hospitality shown by him and his family. One part of his brain has the capacity to make him do what’s necessary and drag him across the finish line while the other part is kicking and screaming. As long as that former part dominates the latter, he has nothing to worry about. Genuinely.

Dinesh Kapur: Decay is currently working in Gurgaon for a sustainable ventures firm whose name I can never remember, but it starts with a W. (edit: WinRock! It’s WinRock!) His George Best old-school footballing skills are no longer useful to him in the modern game much like my Karl Marx old-school thinking skills are of no use to me in the modern world. As I’ve often said; this man is a kindred spirit. We’re almost alter-egos of each other. Decay is someone who I can trust to understand my point of view on a matter, usually because he’s been there before. Like Monisha, Dinesh is someone who I feel is destined for far bigger things in life than he can possibly see now. And like Monisha, is an individual in possession of far too many talents, such that it looks unfair to the rest of us.

Anupam Guha: After a successful stint at the Georgia Institute of Technology (where he completed a 2-year Master’s course in a year with a perfect 4.0 CGPA), Guha is currently in Ahmadabad, working for a company that pays him to essentially be their poster-boy. His relationship with Anupama (who I’ve never met properly) was much joked about (my contribution was the idea for “Anupam (1+a)” wedding cards) in college. Oddly enough, it appears to be highly likely that theirs’ will be the first marriage of a friend that I will be a guest of. The conversations on every topic under and beyond the sun were, and still remain, much appreciated. Even the ones where we vehemently disagree. And his conviction to “save” me and show me that humanity is worth saving might just pay off. The path of the wannabe Bushido-ist is fraught with many perils, I joked of him. Well it appears that he intends on making these words an eerie prophecy. Much like a Katana, he has forged his tamahagane worldviews by repeatedly putting it through fire, folding it and beating the shit of it. And that’s why Guha will probably end up as that rarest species of all: A happy, intelligent man who is satisfied with his life and the world he is living in. Or we’ll embark on our plan for revolution. He’ll be Trotsky, I’ll be Stalin… Minus the backstabbing, of course.

Ashwin Murali: After half a year of working 80-90 hour weeks at Citibank, he’s now at his palatial penthouse in Nasik preparing for a second MBA. Ashwin’s greatest trait as a friend has been his ability to listen to me constantly abuse, demote, shout at, vilify and generally insult him for over 3 years with a patient nod and that irritatingly reassuring stupid smile. He set me off on a tangential path in my worldview, for which I still hate him by the way, but it might perhaps lead to a better future. You better hope it does bro.

Akhil Garg: Working at Accenture in Hyderabad, his tryst with the Alagappa family continues as my sister was his HR rep as a trainee. We have both learnt, very late, that we weren’t as bad roommates to have as we thought. Perhaps immaturity came between what could’ve been a far more rewarding friendship for us.

Swati, Priya and Ankur: Swati is working with Wipro in Bangalore while Priya is doing her Master’s at the University of Sussex, I believe. Ankur is doing his Master’s at IIT Kharagpur. I drove you guys away from me in a fit of madness and have regretted that decision since. My yet unfinished college life would have been far better if I had not done that.

Nitesh Bhasin: The entrepreneur and fellow backlogger. We really dump on you more than you deserve. The fact remains that if you hadn’t taken the effort of befriending me in IP University that day, I wouldn’t have gotten to know a lot of the people mentioned here. You’ll either end up in jail or in Forbes. Have fun in Vegas.

M.V. Harish: Another man at Georgia Tech, here’s to perpetuating the “crazy Telugu mofo” image with me. Keep it real with the brothas in the hood in Atlanta. We’ll meet up in a gun shop or seedy beer bar someday.

Many others ought to feature in this list, but I feel it has become so sappy, your monitors might have started leaking already; so wait for another epiphany and moment of emo-ness.

Seriously, I have so many epiphanies; it’s hard to tell which ones are genuine.

Oh, and I almost to mention… This post formally ends this blog. There will be no more posting on Chaosverse any longer. Frankly, I would like some order. Unpredictability and randomness are, as always, welcome; but I’ve had it with the chaos.

I would like to delete this blog, but perhaps will save it. Someday, the people mentioned in this post will look back and this and other posts and laugh at the naivety, stupidity, folly, and immaturity on display.

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Either I’m really stupid or…

Stupidity is the new “IN” thing. Apparently there’s a war against the very values that have made the world the wonderful place it can be. (Reason, Logic, Rational thinking, Scientific analysis). Spent some time going through wikipedia articles about various religions, cults, sects and things that claim to be none of the above but are absolutely indistinguishable.

Now, I can imagine the flak I would’ve recieved about this post if anyone actually read my goddam blog. Which is another thing that pisses me off. Why can’t I tell the Emperor that he’s naked? Look at him! He’s not wearing anything!

What pisses me off is how I am expected to treat ALL ideas at par. Which, of course, is utterly impossible. What I fear is a day when a school exam paper will be marked not on the basis of whether or not you are right (which is how it should be…) or whether or not you memeorized and repeated, without understanding, the requisite syllabus (which is how it is now…) but, and this is worse than the current state of affairs, they will marked equally. In a nutshell, you should not thrust your right answer on people as they have their right to be wrong, but should not discriminated against because they are wrong. To summarize the summary: All answers are correct, you intolerant arrogant prick!

We expected the internet and cell phones and the “communications revolution” of the past decade or so would make the world a better place. All that’s happened is we have more than a million (more like a billion) monkeys banging away at keyboards, PDAs, GPRS-enabled cellphones and screaming hysterically into webcams and yet I cannot see anything that resembles: 

Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer/The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,/Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,/And by opposing end them? — To die, to sleep, —

What we do have are, people who say things like “There are 7 chakras in the soul which using the power of magnetism can be aligned to combine with the earth’s magnetic field and unleash hidden power in the soul of the individual”. Gee, wow! And we are to respect their views. Respect my authoritah to tell you this:

“We believe in equality for everybody and tolerance and all that gay stuff; but dude, fuck you” ~ Stan Marsh

The best bit is that the people I know who believe in this shit the most were guys who used scored above 90% in their 10th and 12th boards. It’s us late70s, early 80s (percentage marks, not the era) bastards who acknowledge that Science Works. Science is the answer.

There’s no point, really. Me expressing not a personal view, but something that has been verified either by the process of scientific testing or by the fact that it’s happened every pico-second (0.0000000000001 seconds) for the last 15 billion years (473040000000000000 seconds) is being on different degrees: intolerant, an asshole, a smartass, judgemental (…)

This rant will continue. Right now, I have the strange ineffable feeling that someone’s standing behind my right shoulder and that very bad things are going to happen to me.

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“Beauty” and Eddies In The Spacetime Continuum

A Snickers bar awaits ye who can fully comprehend the multi-referential nature of the title.

Is it a boon or a curse? That’s something I’ve been asking myself ever since I’ve suddenly hit a purple patch in girls colleges at DU. Yeah, I get to show off my (*cough*) intellect and gab in front of the “Hot ladkis of Dilli da University”, but what’s the point? That doesn’t impress them as much as a face that resembles Daniel Radcliffe. In fact, that doesn’t impress them AT ALL! The latest victim was Kamala Nehru College, Siri Fort Road, New Delhi.

It was a strange coincidence that DK (known variously as Drift King, DicKhead, Donkey Kong, Debate King and on rare occasions as Dinesh Kapur) and I made a clean sweep of the KNC Debate on the 14th of November (14th November = Jawaharlal Nehru’s Birthday… Kamala Nehru is J’Lal’s awfully wedded wife). To be honest, it was a no-contest. The topic, “Canon-formation is irrelevant in a globalized market”, was brilliant (once I understood it!) and I felt kind of sad that it was wasted on such a miserable congregation. What did make the victory sweet was that I turned up there not even knowing what “Canon-formation” meant. Still, we spoke and walked away with the following prizes:

· Best Team

· Best Individual Speaker: Dinesh Kapur (Damn it! His cute looks did me in, I tells you!!!)

· IInd Best Individual Speaker: Me. (I’m in this 2nd place rut. Victory somehow always eludes me!!!)

· Best Interjector: Me, again. (This is a prize I have almost reserved for myself at the few dumbass debates I attend) Note: MS Word doesn’t recognize the word lameass, but recognizes dumbass!

I also did the winships in Creative Writing Contest.
Whilst walking away from KNC, we passed by the Siri Fort auditorium; which brought back memories from 2 years ago (copious amounts of water, glucose, antacid gels, tablets, a high fever and the Rodin’s Thinker Trophy in my shaking hands as we argued with an auto driver to get us back to Gole Market for less than seventy rupees while the “BIG” schools we beat made their exits in air-conditioned buses and cabs).

It was at this time that I extolled my views on “beautiful people” to DK. He refuses to believe that he has a fan club (genuine modesty or him being an asshole? No clue. I’m not good at hints and perceiving things, as opposed to him), but I guess he falls in this category.

Now, the multiple visits to supposedly “HOT” DU girl’s colleges and the experience of watching Fashion Tech students parading around near the Aerospace Engineering lab and the cafeteria has numbed me to physical, human beauty. I still joke about it, alright, but I guess I have a genuine feeling of revulsion w.r.t. ““beautiful people””. It’s simple, really.

A few basic tenets of a “beautiful person”:

1. He/she is born “beautiful” (We are all born beautiful, but they “maintain” themselves such. Hence the direct correlation between money and “beauty”)

2. Since they are born and brought up looking cute, sweet, hot etc… They get pampered and are perennially in the limelight.

3. Hence, a “beautiful person” is used to getting things for no reason apart from their natural looks. Getting as opposed to earning.

4. Hence, the “beautiful person” never felt the need of acquiring a skill set on the basis of which they can build their lives, as they assume that their looks are enough.

5. Which is also why these people get F’d in the A. once they’re 40.

6. The rest of us, however, have had to earn everything we have. Our place in society (by virtue of achievements, rather than looks), our friends (by virtue of personality) etc.

7. So, most (the exceptions are so few in my experience that I in fact say ALL) the “beautiful people” I’ve met are generally quite dumb, self-obsessed, arrogant and highly delusional. And believe me, for a fool like me, a hot face/body/particular anatomical section cannot cover up such major defects. (It works supremely for others, though. Yes, #49, I’m looking at you again! :p)

It also explains why I never was a part of The Gang. This was due to my appearance (yeah, yeah…), my malapropistic tendencies, my refusal to simply accept things without question etc. Basically, I have what people call “an attitude”. Now exactly why that is something wrong is a question I haven’t been able to answer, yet!

Not being a “beautiful person” has been a bummer only in terms of “not getting a chick (or is it chic?)”, but since that’s #5111918 on my priority list (Which is way below “Rob Rupert Murdoch”, just below “Learn the ‘Beat It’ and ‘Smooth Criminal’ dance moves” but above “Kill Bill… O’Reilly”) I guess it really doesn’t bother me.

The upshot, of course, is the moral of the story: I’m building my life on skills that will not desert me naturally one day. Yes, yes. A healthy lifestyle and advances in medicine can take a running jump. Looks go. Deal with it.

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Le Femmes…

Guess my Himalayan soujourn has been cancelled. The reasons are currently unclear, but there is the soft, shapely hand of a woman behind it.

Goddam it!

So, now I have four days to lord over the two empty floors of my PG with no cash, no laptop (hence no late-night internet or music! 😦 ) and no DVD player.

I DO have Ashwin’s Apache RTR 160, though! 😀 ? But no petrol and hardly enough money to get more than a 100 kms in the tank (@ 65 km per litre).

So… what do I do? Read, I guess.

But the pleasure of taking a bike out on an empty Noida road is too much of a thrill to resist.

Move over lysergic acid diethylamide, I’ve found a new drug!

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The Unbearable Lightness of Being… ME!

Are you dead? Do you have no feelings? You’re just EVIL!
~ A 13-year old girl at Bethany High. (My friend remarked, “Evil… thy name is Harish!”)

Harish, sometimes you’re so… cold. As if what hurts everyone else does nothing to you. It’s frightening.
~ My High School English teacher’s most passionate assessment of me.

In theory, I should feel hurt.

In theory.

If I were like everyone else, I’d be devastated.

If I were like everyone else.

“It is a fool’s prerogative to utter truths that no one else will speak.” ~ Neil Gaiman.

I’ve always maintained that.

Ladies and Gentlemen, let’s get one thing VERY clear here. I do not fear the truth. Nicholson’s famous line does not apply to me. Pessimistic? No. I’m a realist. The world’s a pretty fucked up place. Knowing where you stand, keeping your ego out of the equation and building what my roommate calls, “The Great Titanium Wall Of Alagappa” around yourself pays. That’s why I’m not hurt. That’s why I can shrug my shoulders and go, “Eh. Whatever.” and move on.

By Jove, am I proud of that!

Harish to Life: “Is that all you got? Pfft! Come on, buddy… Is that ALL YOU GOT???”

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Do You…

Do you…

1. Stick to your dreams and continue playing the waiting game. Build your measly, pathetic future with every little scrap you pick up on the way. Maybe you’ve grossly overestimated yourself, maybe you haven’t but you STILL won’t make it because you lacked the right opportunity or maybe you had the right opportunity, but you didn’t stick your foot through the door.

2. Do what you know you’ll succeed at. You’ll do everything right and make it without any hassles at all. You’ll be called a “successful person”. Money, power etc… et cetera. But it’s not what you want, is it?

Can an army of sycophants, a big house, a stylish car and everything else that comes along with “success” make up for the sinking feeling you’ll get every time you’ll look in the mirror and realize you compromised on your dreams?

I’ve been going through this philosophical conundrum for nearly five years now, and I think I’m at the verge of accepting defeat. Or maybe I have enough to keep fighting. Say what you want against me, but I know that I’ve been through too much to accept defeat. Fucking up supremely but facing the consequences with your chin up and the ability to gather every last ounce of energy in one’s body to slowly, but surely raise the middle finger to life and the world in general. That’s my redeeming feature. That’s right. Life and fate fuck around with me, but I won’t give up. Not just yet, bitches.

Then again, maybe I’ve had enough of fighting. Maybe I’m willing to give up and allow my life to be less complicated. Maybe it’s better to settle for a small victory rather than risk a major failure whilst shooting for the stars.

I have too many people around me who’re doing something with their lives and yet believe that their existence sucks. It depresses me. They do not know what it means to waste their lives. To watch a deluge of mediocrity go by as you wait for the right moment to make your move.

I made a decision, not to opt out of the rat race but rather to never join. Instead of leaving me out, this decision has left me in last place. I’m in last place in a race I CAN win, but I do not want to be in it. Should I join? I can still claw my way back up to a podium finish, at least if not victory itself. But I don’t want to. I hate this damn rat race. It’s called a rat race for a fucking reason, you fools!

It all boils down to an exam I’ll be giving next year. The question is, which one will it be? Give the one which, if I get what I want out of it, will make me the happiest living creature in the solar system but which carries a high chance of failure OR the one which I know I’ll ace, but won’t make me anywhere remotely as happy.

I’ve always maintained that anyone who’s rich and complains about his/her problems in life deserves nothing more than a good kick in the seat of their trousers… but can money really buy happiness? Can it? Should I try?

It helps in situations like this to have a mentor. A guide, if you will. Yet, I’m the guy who’s called Sensei. So where’s the Sensei’s sensei?

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Of Idiots and their boxes

You DO live an interesting life, Mr. Beeblebrox!

There’s a wolf wuss at my door! Calls me on the phone, tells me how he’s going to… and then I give him a nano-piece of my mind and he goes ultra-defensive and messages crap like “I have nothing! That’s why I need validation.” Shape up or ship out, loser. And randomly insulting everyone around you with xenophobic intensity and exhibiting the very same virtues you’re on a tirade against is not a legit way to deal with it. It is if you have the supreme arrogance to admit that you’re infalliable and brilliant. But not if you message crap like that, asshole!

And someone else who ALSO needs constant validation. And gets it. But is still not convinced. Last time: YOU ARE GOOD! ALRIGHT? NOT THE BEST I’VE SEEN, AGREED, BUT STILL PRETTY DAMN FUCKING GOOD! DEAL WITH IT!

Bah! Humbug!

In other news, my life is beginning to have hidden TV messages in it. My domestic scene resembles a daily soap (*ing- Stephen Colbert as Me), and just a day after we started off on Simpson’s Rules (“Yeah it does! Oh, wait that’s the topic?”), we’re doing Piccard’s Methods. Great! Homer Jay and Jean Luke! What next? “Cartman’s Equations”?

I’m also beating a hasty retreat this diwali. For the first time, I won’t be spending it with my family. Instead Ankur, the Ayn Rand-loving romancer of Professors, and I are heading for the Himalyas. There’s snow, peace and tranquility in them thaar hills!

And S… Here you go. Ought to make you feel better. If not… ask this guy for advice! 😀

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