Category Archives: In an interstellar burst

Older and, hopefully, wiser

I’m not going to use any gimmicks in this post. No protracted sentences. No loquaciousness. No references only understandable to certain people. It will just be my attempt at simple, straight, hard facts.

I have often complained of how life throws shit in my face. Whined in wangst at fate and the tortures it puts me through. And I did nothing about it.

A mining analogy:

We are all digging for gold, diamonds and other gems (ideological and literal) to enrich our lives. And some of us happen to hit a drainage pipe and end up with a pile of shit in our beloved gold mines. I am one of these people. People try to assist you out of this (in this analogy, literal, but otherwise metaphorical) shithole. And I was no different. Except that I didn’t use them to get out. Rather, I almost pulled them in.

Now, I’m through.

If I whine again, shoot me.

It is time for action.

But first… A few words which I have to make known public.

The people I knew while I wrote this blog over the past 4 years have defined this era of my life. An era that is reaching its end. And they deserve my thanks. I will not hide any details, by the way. If anyone here would like me to; say so and I will give you my id and password for WordPress. Knock yourselves out.

First, and most important:

Monisha Vemavarapu: Venom, SuperMon and a million sobriquets. No one has influenced me as much as she. Currently in London on an exchange program, she is dating a large, oafish, somewhat paranoid, whiny, self-obsessed and neurotic nutbag. I feel that she perhaps deserves better; but she’s a wiser judge of such things than I am. No one I have ever known has ever evolved so much so quickly. When I first was re-acquainted with her, she was a wild, kranti-kari, ultra-modernist pseudo-hippie. She is now one of the most level-headed determined and pragmatically intelligent people I know. I will be frank: When I first met her, both online and in person, I felt I was the superior individual. But I must now concede this title to her. She has proven herself to be a most fascinating person and one who accepts a random destiny with an élan that I wish I possessed. Monisha is one of those people who you just know will not fade quietly into the night, and will leave a mark on the world. I find my vocabulary failing me in my attempts to describe how happy I am to have known, and know, this singularly unique individual. I sincerely hope that we will never become strangers through providence or (more likely) some ridiculous action of mine.

Nimish Batra: After working at Infosys Technologies in Bangalore, Nimish is now pursuing a Master’s degree at the University of Florida. Nimish’s jesting misanthropy was what really resulted in our ever becoming friends. We shared in our fandom for Douglas Adams, I introduced him to Radiohead, and he introduced me to Monty Python. But in our protracted one-downmanship contests, (held periodically over the internet, the telephone and in person) I believe I learnt a lot. And perhaps too much. I appreciate and respect him for a lot of things, but I must say that what applies to me in a large measure applies to you too… Stop whining. Shut up and live. The thing about Nimish that few people get is that he is a genuinely warm-hearted person. Try visiting his home in South Ex, and be amazed at the hospitality shown by him and his family. One part of his brain has the capacity to make him do what’s necessary and drag him across the finish line while the other part is kicking and screaming. As long as that former part dominates the latter, he has nothing to worry about. Genuinely.

Dinesh Kapur: Decay is currently working in Gurgaon for a sustainable ventures firm whose name I can never remember, but it starts with a W. (edit: WinRock! It’s WinRock!) His George Best old-school footballing skills are no longer useful to him in the modern game much like my Karl Marx old-school thinking skills are of no use to me in the modern world. As I’ve often said; this man is a kindred spirit. We’re almost alter-egos of each other. Decay is someone who I can trust to understand my point of view on a matter, usually because he’s been there before. Like Monisha, Dinesh is someone who I feel is destined for far bigger things in life than he can possibly see now. And like Monisha, is an individual in possession of far too many talents, such that it looks unfair to the rest of us.

Anupam Guha: After a successful stint at the Georgia Institute of Technology (where he completed a 2-year Master’s course in a year with a perfect 4.0 CGPA), Guha is currently in Ahmadabad, working for a company that pays him to essentially be their poster-boy. His relationship with Anupama (who I’ve never met properly) was much joked about (my contribution was the idea for “Anupam (1+a)” wedding cards) in college. Oddly enough, it appears to be highly likely that theirs’ will be the first marriage of a friend that I will be a guest of. The conversations on every topic under and beyond the sun were, and still remain, much appreciated. Even the ones where we vehemently disagree. And his conviction to “save” me and show me that humanity is worth saving might just pay off. The path of the wannabe Bushido-ist is fraught with many perils, I joked of him. Well it appears that he intends on making these words an eerie prophecy. Much like a Katana, he has forged his tamahagane worldviews by repeatedly putting it through fire, folding it and beating the shit of it. And that’s why Guha will probably end up as that rarest species of all: A happy, intelligent man who is satisfied with his life and the world he is living in. Or we’ll embark on our plan for revolution. He’ll be Trotsky, I’ll be Stalin… Minus the backstabbing, of course.

Ashwin Murali: After half a year of working 80-90 hour weeks at Citibank, he’s now at his palatial penthouse in Nasik preparing for a second MBA. Ashwin’s greatest trait as a friend has been his ability to listen to me constantly abuse, demote, shout at, vilify and generally insult him for over 3 years with a patient nod and that irritatingly reassuring stupid smile. He set me off on a tangential path in my worldview, for which I still hate him by the way, but it might perhaps lead to a better future. You better hope it does bro.

Akhil Garg: Working at Accenture in Hyderabad, his tryst with the Alagappa family continues as my sister was his HR rep as a trainee. We have both learnt, very late, that we weren’t as bad roommates to have as we thought. Perhaps immaturity came between what could’ve been a far more rewarding friendship for us.

Swati, Priya and Ankur: Swati is working with Wipro in Bangalore while Priya is doing her Master’s at the University of Sussex, I believe. Ankur is doing his Master’s at IIT Kharagpur. I drove you guys away from me in a fit of madness and have regretted that decision since. My yet unfinished college life would have been far better if I had not done that.

Nitesh Bhasin: The entrepreneur and fellow backlogger. We really dump on you more than you deserve. The fact remains that if you hadn’t taken the effort of befriending me in IP University that day, I wouldn’t have gotten to know a lot of the people mentioned here. You’ll either end up in jail or in Forbes. Have fun in Vegas.

M.V. Harish: Another man at Georgia Tech, here’s to perpetuating the “crazy Telugu mofo” image with me. Keep it real with the brothas in the hood in Atlanta. We’ll meet up in a gun shop or seedy beer bar someday.

Many others ought to feature in this list, but I feel it has become so sappy, your monitors might have started leaking already; so wait for another epiphany and moment of emo-ness.

Seriously, I have so many epiphanies; it’s hard to tell which ones are genuine.

Oh, and I almost to mention… This post formally ends this blog. There will be no more posting on Chaosverse any longer. Frankly, I would like some order. Unpredictability and randomness are, as always, welcome; but I’ve had it with the chaos.

I would like to delete this blog, but perhaps will save it. Someday, the people mentioned in this post will look back and this and other posts and laugh at the naivety, stupidity, folly, and immaturity on display.

6 Comments

Filed under "Fluid Exchange", "Zapped", Anything Seriously Anything, Art, As Porf. Frink says..., Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Blogroll, Clarifications, College, Crap Rating- *****, Delta-X, Don't bother about categories, Et Cetera Et Cetera, Gods! What Have I Done!, Ideas, Ideas --> Words --> ???, In an interstellar burst, influencing things that I am influenced by, Life, Phil0s0phy, Pointless rambling, Predictions, Prophecies of Doom, Random, Rants, Relationshits, Same as above, Something or the other, Subsiste Sermonem Statim, Taureum Excretae, The "Gentler" Sex? Yeah Right, The Bullshit Is Out There, The End, The few rare Good things that actuallyhappen in my life, the influence of influencing things that influence me, This concerns YOU!, This is not a joke!, Travel and Living, Unsolicited solicitor of advice, What. The. Hell?, Whathafuck?

New Decade. Old Problems.

I guess it’s fascinating, looking at this blog. Apart from the obvious exercise in narcissism, it provides a unique insight into how much things have changed or have remained static over a considerable period of time. I started this blog in August 2005. It’s almost been 5 years now. I have gone from being a guy stuck in a KV, both fearful of his future and yet wildly optimistic at the same time to someone in a college he morbidly despises who seems to have ruined almost any chance he had of making a name for himself.

I cleared the written exam for the Tata Institute of Fundamental Research, Mumbai (hereafter referred to as TIFR). I shall abandon humility and say that I feel it’s a bloody noteworthy achievement. A guy who’s had as horrid a B.Tech experience as me isn’t expected to be the in 1 in 500 to clear a grueling entrance exam for India’s premier graduate school for Physics. TIFR offers the best Ph.D faculty, research options, library and stipend in India. That’s right, Ph.D. I beat people with Master’s degrees from the various IITs to get in here. Natansh might wonder why I’m blowing my own horn so much, but he’s already cleared a way more difficult national-level entrance exam. But it’ll probably amount to nothing. No way I can clear the interview. Not with all my baggage.

I qualified for the final round of the Young Sociologist of the Year Competition in Bangalore. In fact, I got my TIFR result barely a week after returning from Bangalore where I presented a Sociology paper. Met many interesting people. Virgil, who eventually won. Michael, who’s quip about how even the worst neighborhoods of San Diego are nowhere nearly as filthy as Koramangala (one of Bangalore’s more posh areas) and even the girls from Miranda House and Ferguson College who kept throwing wary glances at me as if they expected my to pounce on them at any moment. (Seriously, do I look like a rapist?)

I didn’t attend college for nearly 3 semesters in a row and in my last 2 years have missed more exams than I have given. Hence TIFR remains a dream that will not be realized. Not this year, at least.

2010 promises to be a defining year. It will be unforgettable, I can guarantee that. Whether I will want to relive these memories or erase them forever, they will haunt me.

This blog has really been an integral part of my identity throughout college. Be it my hormonally challenged posts that were evidently about Monisha (there! I said it!) or attempts at pseudo-intellectual candor, I always picked the worst time to write them. Which, I guess has been the defining trait of my life c.2005-2010. It has been a period of terrible decisions and bad timing. Thoughts that struggle to find meaning and ideas that come and go quicker than I can say, “Get me a pen and some paper!” The humor, the edge is gone because the confidence that is so necessary to drive it is n ruins. The arrogance you see is over-compensation for a feeling of inadequacy and it’s a vicious cycle. Confidence shatters, arrogant shell built. Arrogance causes problems, causes greater loss of confidence that breeds more arrogance. You get the rest.

Well, the decisions are no longer mine to take, are they? Perhaps my life follows a Seldon Plan. Or it’s just seldom planned. I wait and do nothing until I reach a crisis that affects my very existence and there exists only one course of action to take. So if my childhood was the Encyclopedia stage, perhaps the Salvor Hardin within me will soon find his services necessary. (To those who don’t get what I’m talking about here, I’m heavily referencing Isaac Asimov’s classic ‘Foundation’ saga).

And always remember, Don’t Panic.

1 Comment

Filed under Clarifications, Ideas --> Words --> ???, In an interstellar burst, Phil0s0phy, Pointless rambling, Rants, Why Life Sucks

Resurrection

“And on the 42nd day, he shall rise again!”

Hello!

I cannot explain why I haven’t been writing. Maybe it’s because I no longer enjoy the honor and privilege of an internet connection, or maybe it’s because I’m so busy I can’t waste my time on a silly blog.

Or maybe it’s because blogging, like social networking websites, is merely a fad. And it’s time is up. It shall now be relegated to that hallowed graveyard of peculiar habits that the populace began to practice en masse, solemnly swearing to never stop; for THIS truly defines them, THIS is finally an opportunity for them to express themselves creatively; THIS is the moment they have been waiting for. However, THIS finally becomes THAT and THAT always has been and always will be… boring. (I used to fancy myself as a writer. I just tried to elucidate my views by the means of a series of sentences that hinged on demonstratives.)

The point is, it appears that blogging is now giving company to the Macarena, the Fonz’s jacket, Akshay Kumar’s blue jeans and movies with ‘Khiladi’ in the title and college basketball-playing “dewds”. It’s a pity, though. I used to like blogging. Until the pressure to write something extraordinary every single time kicked in. I guess I’ll resume this blog differently. It’s probably a fresh start.

2008 was a strange year. In the stats column, it started with Chaosverse enjoying 3,000 hits in the first month alone. In the last month of 2008, it dropped to 700. That further fell to 600 in January ’09. I guess that’s a good thing. There’s no more pressure. No more “Is Harish in form again?” I know I’ve lost my edge, but I’m going to stop trying to get it back. The best things come to you when you never expected them or even asked for them. That’s the one lesson I can say I learnt the easy way. Right, Venom?

1 Comment

Filed under Anything Seriously Anything, Blah Blah Blah, In an interstellar burst, Phil0s0phy, Pointless rambling, Random, Reviews

A Collection of Modern-Day Pictograms…

Advice: Expectations are the worst thing you can ever inflict on yourself. Especially expecting yourself to do things that aren’t needed.

Note: Goddam it! I’m writing this and all of a sudden, my mp3 player starts playing Behind Blue Eyes.  Second level-10 freaky coincidence (sign?!) to happen in less than 24 hours.

Right-o, advice: Being a loner, and one of those “Fuck you and what you think” type loners to boot, I’ve never mastered the art of impressing people. So when I try… I end up coming across as “angry, irritated” or what is more likely, “creepy and exceptionally stupid”. So, kids… Don’t expect to do great things. Do what you have to, what comes naturally and most importantly… relax.

I’m really irritated and angry, though. At myself. Maybe I ought to… I don’t know what to do. The system. Laziness. Incompetence. Ability. Thoughts. Emotions. Love. Hatred. Freedom. The illusion. Stupid. Intelligent. Woman. Man. Dream. Reality. Dream. Dream. Dream. Day dream. Consciousness. Lack of. Evolving as a person. Untrue to your word. Hypocrisy. Diplomacy. Grammar. Spelling. Research and Planning. Lack thereof. Excess. Deficient. Over-hyped. Under-rated. GO AWAY! (Please don’t leave me! )

A horrible new day will dawn. Everything will cease. I will finally be…

2 Comments

Filed under Arrgh!!!, Avert your eyes!, Blah Blah Blah, Crap Rating- *****, Et Cetera Et Cetera, Fuck off, I need a boot to the head..., In an interstellar burst, just don't., Life, No, Pain, Pointless rambling, Rants, Same as above, Screw you..., STFU, Subsiste Sermonem Statim, Taureum Excretae, The Bullshit Is Out There, V for Violence, What. The. Hell?

Return of the Dragon

As usual, the post title is not merely what it seems. It’s as deep as… something that’s not very deep, but looks shallower than it is, but is, in fact…

Screw it! It’s a reference.

Am back from my hiatus in the Himalayas. I cannot and will not go in Xtreme! to detail as to what happened. Just these notes:

  • Kinnaur distrit in Himachal Pradesh is beautiful. We were the ONLY tourists there. There’s no feeling that can possible match up to the one you get as the ONLY tourists in a place that beautiful.
  • I got trapped in around six feet of snow. To everyone’s disappointment, I made it out alive with only a frozen arse.
  • Manali is OK. Solang Valley is fun. Rohtang Pass is still blocked and hence, so is Lahul-Spiti.
  • I couldn’t bear more than half-an-hour of Shimla. *shudders* Terrible. Terrible place.
  • I found Chandigarh to be an irresistibly funny place. It’s like a wannabe-city. It’s trying very hard to become Delhi, but… it’s just a wannabe.
  • My mind is empty. I thought a lot and came to no conclusions whatsoever. However, it is true: there is something about the mountains that calms you down and allows you to think clearly.

Came back to Delhi and was greeted by burning eyes, a blocked nose and a sore throat. It was an impulsive journey. We barely knew what our plan for the coming day was and just wandered.

Not really into blogging right now. Am quite busy these days (gasp!). My desktop dreams might crash again.

So, how have you guys been?

4 Comments

Filed under In an interstellar burst