Category Archives: Be Afraid

Older and, hopefully, wiser

I’m not going to use any gimmicks in this post. No protracted sentences. No loquaciousness. No references only understandable to certain people. It will just be my attempt at simple, straight, hard facts.

I have often complained of how life throws shit in my face. Whined in wangst at fate and the tortures it puts me through. And I did nothing about it.

A mining analogy:

We are all digging for gold, diamonds and other gems (ideological and literal) to enrich our lives. And some of us happen to hit a drainage pipe and end up with a pile of shit in our beloved gold mines. I am one of these people. People try to assist you out of this (in this analogy, literal, but otherwise metaphorical) shithole. And I was no different. Except that I didn’t use them to get out. Rather, I almost pulled them in.

Now, I’m through.

If I whine again, shoot me.

It is time for action.

But first… A few words which I have to make known public.

The people I knew while I wrote this blog over the past 4 years have defined this era of my life. An era that is reaching its end. And they deserve my thanks. I will not hide any details, by the way. If anyone here would like me to; say so and I will give you my id and password for WordPress. Knock yourselves out.

First, and most important:

Monisha Vemavarapu: Venom, SuperMon and a million sobriquets. No one has influenced me as much as she. Currently in London on an exchange program, she is dating a large, oafish, somewhat paranoid, whiny, self-obsessed and neurotic nutbag. I feel that she perhaps deserves better; but she’s a wiser judge of such things than I am. No one I have ever known has ever evolved so much so quickly. When I first was re-acquainted with her, she was a wild, kranti-kari, ultra-modernist pseudo-hippie. She is now one of the most level-headed determined and pragmatically intelligent people I know. I will be frank: When I first met her, both online and in person, I felt I was the superior individual. But I must now concede this title to her. She has proven herself to be a most fascinating person and one who accepts a random destiny with an élan that I wish I possessed. Monisha is one of those people who you just know will not fade quietly into the night, and will leave a mark on the world. I find my vocabulary failing me in my attempts to describe how happy I am to have known, and know, this singularly unique individual. I sincerely hope that we will never become strangers through providence or (more likely) some ridiculous action of mine.

Nimish Batra: After working at Infosys Technologies in Bangalore, Nimish is now pursuing a Master’s degree at the University of Florida. Nimish’s jesting misanthropy was what really resulted in our ever becoming friends. We shared in our fandom for Douglas Adams, I introduced him to Radiohead, and he introduced me to Monty Python. But in our protracted one-downmanship contests, (held periodically over the internet, the telephone and in person) I believe I learnt a lot. And perhaps too much. I appreciate and respect him for a lot of things, but I must say that what applies to me in a large measure applies to you too… Stop whining. Shut up and live. The thing about Nimish that few people get is that he is a genuinely warm-hearted person. Try visiting his home in South Ex, and be amazed at the hospitality shown by him and his family. One part of his brain has the capacity to make him do what’s necessary and drag him across the finish line while the other part is kicking and screaming. As long as that former part dominates the latter, he has nothing to worry about. Genuinely.

Dinesh Kapur: Decay is currently working in Gurgaon for a sustainable ventures firm whose name I can never remember, but it starts with a W. (edit: WinRock! It’s WinRock!) His George Best old-school footballing skills are no longer useful to him in the modern game much like my Karl Marx old-school thinking skills are of no use to me in the modern world. As I’ve often said; this man is a kindred spirit. We’re almost alter-egos of each other. Decay is someone who I can trust to understand my point of view on a matter, usually because he’s been there before. Like Monisha, Dinesh is someone who I feel is destined for far bigger things in life than he can possibly see now. And like Monisha, is an individual in possession of far too many talents, such that it looks unfair to the rest of us.

Anupam Guha: After a successful stint at the Georgia Institute of Technology (where he completed a 2-year Master’s course in a year with a perfect 4.0 CGPA), Guha is currently in Ahmadabad, working for a company that pays him to essentially be their poster-boy. His relationship with Anupama (who I’ve never met properly) was much joked about (my contribution was the idea for “Anupam (1+a)” wedding cards) in college. Oddly enough, it appears to be highly likely that theirs’ will be the first marriage of a friend that I will be a guest of. The conversations on every topic under and beyond the sun were, and still remain, much appreciated. Even the ones where we vehemently disagree. And his conviction to “save” me and show me that humanity is worth saving might just pay off. The path of the wannabe Bushido-ist is fraught with many perils, I joked of him. Well it appears that he intends on making these words an eerie prophecy. Much like a Katana, he has forged his tamahagane worldviews by repeatedly putting it through fire, folding it and beating the shit of it. And that’s why Guha will probably end up as that rarest species of all: A happy, intelligent man who is satisfied with his life and the world he is living in. Or we’ll embark on our plan for revolution. He’ll be Trotsky, I’ll be Stalin… Minus the backstabbing, of course.

Ashwin Murali: After half a year of working 80-90 hour weeks at Citibank, he’s now at his palatial penthouse in Nasik preparing for a second MBA. Ashwin’s greatest trait as a friend has been his ability to listen to me constantly abuse, demote, shout at, vilify and generally insult him for over 3 years with a patient nod and that irritatingly reassuring stupid smile. He set me off on a tangential path in my worldview, for which I still hate him by the way, but it might perhaps lead to a better future. You better hope it does bro.

Akhil Garg: Working at Accenture in Hyderabad, his tryst with the Alagappa family continues as my sister was his HR rep as a trainee. We have both learnt, very late, that we weren’t as bad roommates to have as we thought. Perhaps immaturity came between what could’ve been a far more rewarding friendship for us.

Swati, Priya and Ankur: Swati is working with Wipro in Bangalore while Priya is doing her Master’s at the University of Sussex, I believe. Ankur is doing his Master’s at IIT Kharagpur. I drove you guys away from me in a fit of madness and have regretted that decision since. My yet unfinished college life would have been far better if I had not done that.

Nitesh Bhasin: The entrepreneur and fellow backlogger. We really dump on you more than you deserve. The fact remains that if you hadn’t taken the effort of befriending me in IP University that day, I wouldn’t have gotten to know a lot of the people mentioned here. You’ll either end up in jail or in Forbes. Have fun in Vegas.

M.V. Harish: Another man at Georgia Tech, here’s to perpetuating the “crazy Telugu mofo” image with me. Keep it real with the brothas in the hood in Atlanta. We’ll meet up in a gun shop or seedy beer bar someday.

Many others ought to feature in this list, but I feel it has become so sappy, your monitors might have started leaking already; so wait for another epiphany and moment of emo-ness.

Seriously, I have so many epiphanies; it’s hard to tell which ones are genuine.

Oh, and I almost to mention… This post formally ends this blog. There will be no more posting on Chaosverse any longer. Frankly, I would like some order. Unpredictability and randomness are, as always, welcome; but I’ve had it with the chaos.

I would like to delete this blog, but perhaps will save it. Someday, the people mentioned in this post will look back and this and other posts and laugh at the naivety, stupidity, folly, and immaturity on display.

6 Comments

Filed under "Fluid Exchange", "Zapped", Anything Seriously Anything, Art, As Porf. Frink says..., Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Blogroll, Clarifications, College, Crap Rating- *****, Delta-X, Don't bother about categories, Et Cetera Et Cetera, Gods! What Have I Done!, Ideas, Ideas --> Words --> ???, In an interstellar burst, influencing things that I am influenced by, Life, Phil0s0phy, Pointless rambling, Predictions, Prophecies of Doom, Random, Rants, Relationshits, Same as above, Something or the other, Subsiste Sermonem Statim, Taureum Excretae, The "Gentler" Sex? Yeah Right, The Bullshit Is Out There, The End, The few rare Good things that actuallyhappen in my life, the influence of influencing things that influence me, This concerns YOU!, This is not a joke!, Travel and Living, Unsolicited solicitor of advice, What. The. Hell?, Whathafuck?

A Quiz and some music…

I won a quiz today. At IP(ee) College for Woe-is-men. It’s the one where my Dad once was a chief guest and delivered a lecture and is located in the highly picturesque environs of Civil Lines – a locality which looks like it’s straight out of the days of the British Raj. As usual, B dot and I caused a major ruckus prompting the organizers to exclaim “Will you please shut up?”

LSR is the only girls’ college where them thaar femmes do not despise me. Of course, Bhasin and I, but mostly Bhasin, made it considerably worse for the organizers. We topped the prelims. Can’t complain now, eh? The final was organized by Arindam of IMS. Not much competition. And the questions were re-he-heeeallly easy. An audio clip of ‘Eye In The Sky’ was played and we were asked to identify the band. All teams passed before I could answer it and claim 2 more points. But ’twas a day almost wasted. No cash prizes. Instead we received gift hampers laden with scented candles, a diary and three books all from Goodwill Publishing House:

  • The Great Writers of the World ~ Ashwani Bhardwaj (Looks suspicious. Any book that rates Shobaa De and Deepak Chopra alongside James Joyce and Shakespeare is likely to be written for 3rd graders by a 5th grader.)
  • World Famous Quotations
  • Great Men Of India

In other noose, I’m listening to 4 bands primarily at the moment:

Radiohead. As usual. After not touching them for almost a month or more, the shocking news that In Rainbows has been nominated for 5 Grammys is making me going through the album again. Searching for inconsistencies. Because Viva La Vida has been nominated for 7. They really don’t know music. (Not Coldplay, the Academy. Then again…) To reiterate: Like how Sachin Tendulkar is a better cricketer than me, it’s better than Viva La Vida. 

Vampire Weekend. Good band. Not quite “OMG! THEY R AWESOME!!! LOLZ!!!”, but pretty decent. Better than Viva La Vida.

Kaiser Chiefs. Hello! Just when Coldplay turned into a bunch of money-grubbing, pop-musician faggots a band emerges from the land of the former ruler to take their place. They’re one of those rare British bands of the late ’90s and 2000s who don’t sound like lame U2 or Radiohead wannabes. They’re more like The Beatles meet Led Zeppelin with some punk thrown in. I’d say their album “Your’s Truly, Angry Mob” is better than X&Y and is almost at par with Parachutes or Pablo Honey. Better than Viva La Vida.

Daft Punk. French House/Electronica. I know what you’re thinking, but I think they’re great! The roommates think it is ideal “sex music“. I disagree because when in the act of coitus, I wouldn’t like to hear two robotic voices going:

Work It

Harder

Make It

Better

Do It

Faster

Makes Us

Stronger

More Than

Ever

Hour After

Our Work Is

Never Over

1 Comment

Filed under "Fluid Exchange", Arrgh!!!, Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blogroll, Music, Radiohead, Random, Something or the other

Is it the 3rd of November?

The title may confuse you. By you, I mean the person reading this. Except unless it is me, who is the most likely person to be the one reading this at any given point of time. Thus, it is more likely that the person reading this will not be confused by the title. Yet, I endeavor to throw a little lifeline to anyone drowning in the deluge of meaningless verbosity of the above paragraph and vagueness of the title.

The title may confuse you, but I assure you it is not random. It is a reference to a book written in 1877 by a man who was born on either October 30 or November 11, 1821. 

’tis a strange world we live in. If I could summarize all my thoughts into a single word, it would be quite an achievement or would indicate the lack of depth or complexity in my thinking. But surprisingly; as I sit here, typing, listening to the Badinerie from Bach’s Orchestral Suite No.2 in B-Minor for flute and strings (BWV 1067) – an ideal background theme for a madman, if you ask me – pardon my digression… But surprisingly I CAN compress the clamoring mass of thoughts in my head into a single word. And the word is: Malice. Indeed, all my thoughts are currently malicious in their nature.

Why? Why not. 

I am quite exasperated. Of fighting. Of battling. Of combating. Of fending off. If only I were nice person by nature, I could look at all the gifts nature has given me. But I am not a nice person. I am a vagrant (my father calls me that), a peripatetic thinker (which I shall prove as this rambled post continues), a loser (as many people are oft to refer to me as), a vindictive, pessimistic nitpicker of thoughts. But devoid of any actual mental facilities and more importantly devoid of any inclination to convert reserves of potential energy into work that will effectively put an end to the incessant questioning. And there is a lot of questioning going around, oh yes! I do not throw words like incessant about to exhibit my limited vocabulary. Whose limitations seem to be on an upward spiral. I have said the word “Cool” more times in the year 2008 than I did in the 15 years before that.

I can now hear the William Tell Overture by Rossini. How pleasant!

I am quite thoroughly annoyed. Of people. Individuals. Human beings. The whole lot of them can bugger off and boil their heads in hot oil, if they wish to please me, which of course they don’t. I am annoyed of my roommates. Of the people in my college. How every second I spend with them seems an opportunity lost. Of how intellectually hollow their company seems. I haven’t learned a thing in the time I have known them. I stand there, listening… words flow from their mouths like sewage into a gutter. Meaningless talk devoid of any shred of original thinking. All their “thoughts” have been subconsciously instilled. On occasion I want to start pointing out the sources of each and every statement they make. But if I interrupted them with “parents”, “movies”, “media”, “unfounded claim”, “peer circle”, “public perception”, “remnants of a phase of juvenile delinquency” and “neurons rotting” all the while; I would leave them with no recourse but to retaliate. And I do not take kindly to criticism. It is a flaw, I admit. I am quite arrogant. Extremely full of myself. I enjoy the philosophy of you-leave-me-alone and vice versa. It allows me to live in a little bubble of self-delusion and an exaggerated sense of my own importance. 

But the retaliations do disappoint. The usual attacks made against me concern my physical appearance, my atrocious academic record, my weak mind, my emotional instability, my judgmental attitude and lack of an open mind and a supposed tendency I possess whereby I degrade myself as part of a subtle ploy to garner sympathy. Everywhere I turn I see my attack on any issue, be it subjective or objective, being countered with an ad homenim derision. I am, strangely enough, not very good at attacking people. If anyone notices, I attack issues with greater ease. I call institutions, beliefs, actions and statements a multitude of names. When it comes to an individual, I find it hard to criticize. I cannot just start using what Nimish calls “my cutting wit” on anyone just sitting in one place doing nothing. It is from their actions that I draw inferences and those inferences are where I begin my attack. 

I believe it was Richard Dawkins who first succinctly explained my world view. He said, and this is one of my favorite quotes from now on: “By all means let’s be open-minded, but not so open-minded that our brains drop out.

Piano Concerto No.1 in B flat minor, Opus 23 Allegro ~ Tchaikovsky

(to be continued…)

1 Comment

Filed under Arrgh!!!, Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Life, Look Maw! I'm Angry!, Phil0s0phy, Pointless rambling, Rants, Relationshits, Screw you..., This is not a joke!, V for Violence, Why Life Sucks

M&Ms

This post is dedicated to the two M’s that make my life worthwhile:

First; a harmonica, a bass guitar, a piano and a room that’s not very well-lit. Add a pair of large and extremely dark sunglasses to that. I’m gonna start a-singin’ now. *ahem* “My girl’s sober. While everyone else around her is drunk. WTF? WTF? WTF?

This could precipitate into something nasty. Let’s see.

In other news, Mensa Delhi-NCR is upto something. It’s top secret. All I can say is… it’s fun. And it starts with a Q. In fact, it’s a series of that thing that’s fun and starts with a Q.

I also moved for the 4th time in one and a half years. I’m now in an old-age home! The good part is… a. I get my own room! No room-mates! Yay!  b. It’s in a very nice part of Noida (sec-37) which leads me to  c. If time and the weather permit, it’s a half-an-hour walk from my “college”!

By an extraordinary coincidence, the name of the place also starts with an M. 

mmmmm….

Leave a comment

Filed under "Zapped", Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Ideas, Life, Mensa, Random

I CAN HAZ DEKSTOP?

I have a desktop! Sorry…sorry… a dekstop. (up your’s Dilli!)

2GB RAM (Corsair), Asus 7100 Motherboard, AMD Athlon X2 Processor, 17 inch CRT Monitor (Samsung), Microsoft XP Professional (I’m planning to put up a “NO VISTA ALLOWED” sticker on my CPU case). No office suite or internet connection, yet. Doubt if I’ll get the latter. Thinking of downloading OpenOffice for the former (up your’s Microsoft!)

So, what am I doing on my new desktop  dekstop? Nothing useful really. (Up your’s anyone doing useful things on their PCs!)

I don’t have much to say right now. Except that I’m oddly calm. Listening to Honey Singh. Thinking of writing a review of that song. I actually like it! (up your’s… er… anyone who thinks I shouldn’t!)

So… wow… you guys expect me to say something profound or funny or absurd or meaningful… OK… err… Stirling engines are External Continuous Combustion types as opposed to normal (such as Diesel or SI) engines which are Internal Intermittent Combustion types. The fact that it’s a thermodynamic cycle that can provide the theoretically maximum value of efficiency (along with the Carnot cycle), but also practically feasible and cheaper makes it an ideal model for future engines. As of now, the Glenn Space Research Center at NASA is trying to develop a Deep-Space Propulsion System based on the Stirling Cycle. (STG’s they call them – Stirling Thermionic Generators). (Up your’s RTG Technology!)

There. Phew! The burdens of expectation!

1 Comment

Filed under *cough cough* comedy, Anything Seriously Anything, Astrophysics, Avert your eyes!, Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Computers and Tech, Crap Rating- *****, Ideas, Pointless rambling, Science

Pwn maadi

i keep the wolf from the door
but he calls me up
calls me on the phone
tells me all the ways that he’s gonna mess me up
steal all my children
if i don’t pay the ransom
but i’ll never see him again
if i squeal to the cops

In my case, it’s a Punjabi Infosissy. But this bit of xenophobic (sarcastic, perhaps. but I really don’t care) stupidity shall not go undocumented!

Scene: A phone call. Delhi-ite in Bangalore to a Bangalorean/Hyderabadi in Delhi.

TBB: I’m addicted to ghee roasts! All I eat everyday are ghee roasts!

THF: YOU BASTARD! You complain about eating ghee roasts all the time when I have to survive on chole kulcha! I spit me ‘zem all, ‘zis North Indian cuisine of yours.

TBB: Chole Kulcha at that place in South-Ex is better than Ghee Roasts anyday!

THF: A likely answer! Try something different, then.

TBB: Like what?

THF: Try Bisi Bele Bath. It’s one of my favorites.

TBB: What?

THF: Bisi Bele Bath.

TBB: What the fuck is that?

THF: Bisi = hot. Bele = dal. Bath = rice. It’s really good, trust me.

*silence*

TBB: You’re trying to get me beaten up, aren’t you? You think by making me ask for something in Kannad (with punjabi accent) or Tamil whose meaning I don’t understand, you can get me beaten up or laughed at or both. Well, guess again! I’m sticking to my ghee roasts! If I wanted “hot dal rice”, I would fall sick. I only eat “hot dal rice” when I’m sick.

THF: Bravo. *clap… clap… clap*

By the way, since you put all your trust in human beings… here you go.

6 Comments

Filed under *cough cough* comedy, Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Clarifications, Rants, Scousers, Screw you..., Whathafuck?, YOU need a boot to the head!

Before Sunrise

Finally saw the damn movie. It’s quite obvious that I’m not the kind of people who enjoy such flicks. I mean, it was no surprise that I happen to be a fan of four of the top five movies with the highest deaths in them. So… why this? Why a movie that drips with sappy romance?

Answer: Curiosity. It was recommended to me. I still thought I’ll never quite get around to watching it. Then my roommate sees it and gives me the review, “Ethan Hawke’s character is 80% you.WTF?

Intrigued, I sat down and saw it in one uninterrupted stretch. And my review: I am definitely not like that, am I? As for the movie itself, I hate to say this… but it’s actually quite good. Yes, it’s romantic and unreal and all that crap… but it’s not annoyingly romantic, unreal and all that crap. And that makes a huge difference.

Plus, it’s Hollywood… It’s Europe… It’s Vienna… It’s a beautiful French girl and an American guy (I have given up trying to figure which kind of men women find attractive and which kind they don’t)… Instead of getting mugged, they find a poet who writes them a pretty decent poem… They *ahem, “make love” in a park and don’t get arrested and/or molested and killed by hoodlums… They find topics of conversation that last all evening…

So, yeah, it’s unrealistic and is capable of ruining a relationship by setting the bar for a romantic conversation while walking around a city somewhere in the stratosphere. But, strangely enough, most romantic movies do that. They’ll give couples an insanely unassailable benchmark which will make the people think, “Wait… this isn’t like <insert movie name here>, so he/she is not my “one true-blue honeybunny” love!”

Leave a comment

Filed under "Zapped", Anything Seriously Anything, Avert your eyes!, Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, Blah Blah Blah, Cinema, Film, Life, Phil0s0phy, Relationshits, Reviews, Same as above