THE BIG “G”.

Ladies and Gentlemen: This is an official announcement which I have tried my very best to avoid, but circumstances are such that I am left with no option but to speak out. There’s a big rumor doing the rounds and it’s about time I put an end to it. Not just because it isn’t true, but mostly because I get bugged by the looks of incredible surprise, shock, horror, awe and downright bewilderment I get from people who believe it. Mostly.

I am not really “committed”. I do not have “a girl” (or “a boy”, for that matter). I’m as single as they come, if not more. The committed status, along with the rest of my orkut profile, is a big old (except for the profile bit) joke. I will no longer entertain questions that go like, “Hey, how’s your girl?” et cetera.

For those not in the loop, the correct rumor is that there exists out there, a female homo sapiens sapiens who is romantically infatuated with me. Ha! Ha!! Ha!!!

Since we quantum-geeks work with probability, I better factor in for the one in a three hundred million chance that the rumor is true.

So, I give you a list that deserves its place amongst the hallowed pages of Cosmopolitan magazine! I present to you, ladies and ladies alone…

Statutory warnings to anyone who wants to be “my girl”:

Warning! Harish Alagappa is…

  • Prone to mood swings.
  • A disgusting sight to look at.
  • A bad singer
  • A bad poet (“if you think my poetry’s bad, my prose is verse”)
  • A bad dancer
  • A man who doesn’t like clubbing/disco-type parties, with the loud music and flashy lights and people crowding the dance floor swinging sweaty filled arms, stinking up the air and polluting the atmosphere which weakens the ozone layer, allowing a greater amount of harmful ultra-violet radiation to enter giving everybody skin cancer with the spores and the itching and burning and miserable pain!
  • Prone to droning on and on about matters that have no relevance to the topic at hand.
  • BOOOOORINGG!!!!
  • Atheist
  • Anarchist
  • Deficient on moral fiber
  • Poor (Middle-Class, actually)
  • Incapable of playing any musical instrument
  • A forgetter of birthdays, anniversaries, names, faces, clothes you wore, hairstyles and all that jazz
  • An anti-social, reclusive, introvert nutcase.
  • A bad judge of fashion
  • A man who despises shopping for anything except books.
  • A nobody. If fame is an aphrodisiac… I’m an impotency drug.
  • An uncivilized brute who lacks table and other manners.
  • As opposed to being a suave, sophisticated toast of society… (should I hyperlink you?) an unsophisticated, un-suave cold turkey of society.
  • A pedantic hyper-intellectual who simultaneously criticizes and arrogantly justifies his own nature.
  • Trying to be Zaphod Beeblebrox, but ending up like Marvin.

11 Comments

Filed under "Zapped", *cough cough* comedy, Avert your eyes!, Blah Blah Blah, Blogroll, Clarifications, College, Crap Rating- *****, Et Cetera Et Cetera, Life, Phic-tion, Politics, Random, Rants, Relationshits

11 responses to “THE BIG “G”.

  1. It seems like you ARE trying to attract girls after all… Nothing says “Come hither” more than – “Get Lost”…
    “Anarchist, anti-social, recluse, introvert…” – all qualities that girls are attracted towards.
    And Zaphod Beeblebrox’s left cranium is the froodiest place in the galaxy to party right? What do you want, dude? To be the ultimate lady-killer?… You’re almost there it seems… 🙂

  2. s

    ehem! ultimate lady killer……………i, uh, hope it goes well!!
    till then, happy new year!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    lotsa love!!!

    ~ the human gramophone!

  3. singinghorses

    I blogrolled and got you and didn’t want to be damned so here’s my comments/first impressions of your blog:
    1. Your tagline is a turn off for me, blogwise.
    2. Further reading changed my mind. Adverse to dating? Where do I sign up?
    3. Radiohead Fan=Friend of Mine
    4. I need blog friends–new to wordpress.

  4. @ Debashish
    I don’t know what I’m trying to do. I never do. As for the “Ultimate Lady Killer”. I may have those minor little qualities that work in my favor, but nothing is as “Uber-Ultimate Lady Killer” as being called “DD-jee” or “DD-sir” by a hoarde of young Delhi engineers.

    @ S hearts I
    Err… thanks?

    @ Jamie a.k.a. Singinghorses
    The tagline is taken from the Jethro Tull song ‘Thick As A Brick’.
    As for getting blog friends… you can give us your url for starters.

  5. Edit: My “sexiness” rating on Orkut has increased by a whole heart ever since I made a major profile edit. Hmm…

  6. Dead, because I killed it~

    uh….u must have no friends then!! am I right??oh yes..i am!!
    so…how did u become this way!!!
    Atheist…why??
    You should really trying being catholic!!
    its better and it’ll help you in life…

  7. s

    s hearts I……???…….yeah btw i agree with u,”the forgetter of the birthdays”………ehem!

    p.s. congrats on the extra heart on orkut:P

  8. Deba, I couldn’t have put it better meself. To “Dither” at the sight of them is cryptic for “Come Hither”. Some trashy newspaper recently commented that “Bad is the new Good”.

    The point, however, is that you don’t have a “girl” – alright, agreed for a few nanoseconds. However, you are swaying from side to side, tipping over, doing the ‘jig’, living in ‘Deep Thought’ .. enjoy the sentence.

  9. As for Marvin’s rolse – its taken – by TBB, and after he passes onto the eating joint located at the last stretch of this vast random chaotic ordered universe, it might be my turn.

  10. singinghorses

    Hi again. Didn’t know my url wasn’t coming up. Not sure how to fix that. Thanks.

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