Run, Children, Run!

Aha! Your diabolical plans have been found out! Fiends!

Ever noticed that all that separates a friend from a fiend is ONE measly little alphabet? Should’ve been an indicator of some sort. A warning bell of which I took no heed.

Was reading Akhil-dasroommate-I’mgonnasulkmyassofmotherfuckers-Garg’s profile, and what did I see? A testimonial from Swati that says, and I quote:

(…)we have lots to do in life, get harish married, make sure his kids arent THAT spoilt(…)

WTF?! 

Are these people my friends or spies from my parents? You guys think of getting married at 19? Nine-fucking-teen? And worse, you think of getting ME married off?

Haven’t I made my stance on marriage quite clear already? Maybe, it’s a good thing; maybe it’s not. But I know for sure that if there exists on this beautiful planet of our’s a human being who is fundamentally un-marriable… ’tis me. And as for the kids part, that warrants an explanation.

You see, my views on parenting are quite different from most others. I feel that since ALL the people I know want their kids (pause: Yes. I know people who have clear-cut goals as to what kind of kids they want to bring up… and they’re in college. For e.g.: my sister (aged:22) has already decided what she’s going to name her kids. The above mentioned Swati has gone one step further and has already decided that her kids will follow in mommy’s footsteps and study in AFBBS. Many male friends I have want to send their kids to Doon School. Err… guys, make your own life first, please?) resume: to grow up to be a successful, good looking, 95+%-scoring, captain of the school football AND Debate team, Head-Boy/Girl type. So on one fine occasion when I heard this inane topic crop up again, I expressed what are my genuine views on parenting. I (very important point here, you bring up your kids nicely, please) am going to make my kids (if I have any, that is) the most spoilt, arrogant, lazy pricks to have ever existed.

Harish: “What’s the matter, son?”
The Boy: “Failed ANOTHER exam”
Harish: “That’s alright. How many girls have you laid?”
The Boy: “Oh, around twelve… if that includes faculty… fifteen-ish”
Harish: “Faculty?”
The Boy: “New English teacher. Just passed out of college. What a piece of ass!”
Harish: “Did you fail English?”
The Boy: “Nope. Topped the class. She wants to see you at the next PTA Conference. ;)”
Harish: “That’s my boy!”

This, of course, excludes the SUV of his choice by the time he’s four- alright, fifteen.

As for a girl… well well well…

Gucci, Armani, Prada, Versace, D&G, Dior et cetera… the cabana boys… the cars… the parties… you know the rest.

As for my friendish fiends (or rather…), just try and stop me!

3 Comments

Filed under *cough cough* comedy, Avert your eyes!, Be Afraid, be VERY Afraid, College, Crap Rating- *****, DUDE!, genuine comedy, Ideas, Life, Phil0s0phy, Predictions, Random, Relationshits, STFU, Subsiste Sermonem Statim, Taureum Excretae, The Bullshit Is Out There, Unsolicited solicitor of advice, What. The. Hell?, YOU need a boot to the head!

3 responses to “Run, Children, Run!

  1. Run, boy, run! Meet me ten years later. (Oh yeah you’ll be married with kids by then. I bet you on that!) Didn’t you know you’re arrogant too??? Exactly like how your kids are going to be. Right, boi? 😉

    Bum and a half.

    This what we call trying to be someone you’re not!

  2. I beg to differ. Your kidz will be rebels against your authority. They’ll drink to get drunk and drown their misery of having a chronic underachiever for a dad. They’ll call you “meat-bag” to your face, and “dad” when they cry alone at nights.

    Also, your wyfe will have a glorious career in modelling after leaving you for good, but wont take the ring off and take a chastity vow never to be broken.

    In short, you’ll destroy yourself and people won’t be around to see it. Unless you pass this message to a hundred people, you’re life iz doomeD ! ! ! !!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!1ONE!!11

    Or let’s just say no one knows what the hell they’re talking about when they want to predict the future. All the subatomic quantum uncertainty goes somewhere at the macro-level you know. It won’t simply diss-a-pear. All the little 0.0000000000000000001s add up.

    Also, nice future conversation. 10 bucks say that it’s inverted though.

  3. Whats with the lines between the paragraphs ? Kurt Vonneguet-ting in our bloggin styles are we ? As for your kids, it skips a generation, maybe two, ok three .. I wouldn’t know ? I hate kids !!

    Ahem ..

    MAJOR IT COMPANY ON VERGE OF SHUTTING SHOP
    Can one employee ..

    I thought I(n)FFY would have adverse affects on Batra – 6 months, no change – the reverse will happen SOON !!

    Slim chance on those 10 bucks.

    Humans sired by Harish Alagappa’s – something out of science fiction !! (Toilet Humour !! – My bad)

    B.Dot and his offspringdoyoutheanswertothatquizquestion – is that worth a thought ?

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