Aha! Your diabolical plans have been found out! Fiends!
Ever noticed that all that separates a friend from a fiend is ONE measly little alphabet? Should’ve been an indicator of some sort. A warning bell of which I took no heed.
Was reading Akhil-dasroommate-I’mgonnasulkmyassofmotherfuckers-Garg’s profile, and what did I see? A testimonial from Swati that says, and I quote:
(…)we have lots to do in life, get harish married, make sure his kids arent THAT spoilt(…)
Are these people my friends or spies from my parents? You guys think of getting married at 19? Nine-fucking-teen? And worse, you think of getting ME married off?
Haven’t I made my stance on marriage quite clear already? Maybe, it’s a good thing; maybe it’s not. But I know for sure that if there exists on this beautiful planet of our’s a human being who is fundamentally un-marriable… ’tis me. And as for the kids part, that warrants an explanation.
You see, my views on parenting are quite different from most others. I feel that since ALL the people I know want their kids (pause: Yes. I know people who have clear-cut goals as to what kind of kids they want to bring up… and they’re in college. For e.g.: my sister (aged:22) has already decided what she’s going to name her kids. The above mentioned Swati has gone one step further and has already decided that her kids will follow in mommy’s footsteps and study in AFBBS. Many male friends I have want to send their kids to Doon School. Err… guys, make your own life first, please?) resume: to grow up to be a successful, good looking, 95+%-scoring, captain of the school football AND Debate team, Head-Boy/Girl type. So on one fine occasion when I heard this inane topic crop up again, I expressed what are my genuine views on parenting. I (very important point here, you bring up your kids nicely, please) am going to make my kids (if I have any, that is) the most spoilt, arrogant, lazy pricks to have ever existed.
Harish: “What’s the matter, son?”
The Boy: “Failed ANOTHER exam”
Harish: “That’s alright. How many girls have you laid?”
The Boy: “Oh, around twelve… if that includes faculty… fifteen-ish”
The Boy: “New English teacher. Just passed out of college. What a piece of ass!”
Harish: “Did you fail English?”
The Boy: “Nope. Topped the class. She wants to see you at the next PTA Conference. ;)”
Harish: “That’s my boy!”
This, of course, excludes the SUV of his choice by the time he’s four- alright, fifteen.
As for a girl… well well well…
Gucci, Armani, Prada, Versace, D&G, Dior et cetera… the cabana boys… the cars… the parties… you know the rest.
As for my friendish fiends (or rather…), just try and stop me!