Persona non give-a-damn

I guess I’m no longer the “flava” of the week/month/<insert timespan here>

I get the distinctive feeling that I’m moving away from people as they move away from me. Don’t ask me why, it’s just happening. Maybe that’s a good thing.

For some time, I allowed the notion to enter my head that maybe… just maybe, there is still hope for someone like myself. That I’m not this universally despised maniac. Guess I was wrong. College does that to you. For four years, you’re thrust into society, even if you don’t want it. I got some sort of limelight… a faint and fleeting moment of fame where I got a barrage of emails, GTalk chats, smses, orkut scraps and the works from a long list (by my standards) of people. That’s gone now, or it appears to have.

DK says that I’m still in the positive curve of my sinusoidal wave (I hate HATE Electronics, man) as I try to rectify my brain circuits. (D’oh!) Amnesia… sounds like heaven right now. I wish there were some thngs I could just forget completely. Unfortunately, I have a penchant for forgetting important things (like submission dates for files and assignments and entries to Associateship Programmes) and remembering the exact same things that you ought to forget (like conversations you have with people and emotions! God damn those things!)

I also started dividing my friends into groups. I decided that a “good friend” is someone I have shared a certain amount of information with or in whose company I am at ease. Many people in this list will probably go, “Wha-? Me?” simply because in their opinion, we barely know each other. But you ought to realize that I’m calling YOU MY friend. Vice-versa is not really necessary.

I guess this list exhaustively includes DK, Wonko The Sane @ Infy [got posted to Pune… could’ve gone to Bangalore, but the foo’! wants to stay in the Chaddigrad SEZ(sic.)], Venom, das roommates (doesn’t mean that my urge to throttle the bastards has diminished), Ankur, Swati, Priya, my seniors at Bethany (Sohan, Mithra, Nikhil, Vinyas, Avinash etc) and oddly enough, ~Life Is Beautiful~, with whom I’ve had just a few hours worth of cyber conversation!

People and relationships were never my strong point and my inexperience is showing. I cannot take what people vehemently claim are ‘genuine compliments’. That’s because of this nagging fear that keeps saying, “They’re lying. You’re being mocked”. Wonko’s right, I guess, I’m paranoid(a) (but not an android).

I need to do something that’ll get my mind off things like this very soon. End-sems coming up and I’m worried. Really worried.

Subterranean Homesick Alien by (who else?) Radiohead. That’s the song that describes me right now.


Filed under Life

4 responses to “Persona non give-a-damn

  1. Boi, don’t think so much! C’mon! give yourself a chance! Start talking to random people. You’ll see how much fun it is. There is soooooooo much happening around!!!


    I refuse to be categorized. Even if you didn’t add me to that list, I’d have been there.

    *Frown, stick tongue out!*

  2. I used to categorize. Then I discovered it isn’t exactly the best thing to do. Categorizing seems to imply clarity of thought wherein you KNOW where everything stands. The problem is, if you categorize too much, you tend to believe too much in that categorization, and that starts to show in the way you talk to your friends that you categorized. Not a situation worth being in.

    And for the love of sanity, please don’t write ~Life is Beautiful!~ If it has to be a kinda Alias, I would suggest cruX – Though I strongly discourage that as well. My name’s not really bad, you know!

    And yea… odd enough! But I like oddities! Thanks!

    P.S. I think ONLY Venom has the capability and elaan to be able to talk to random people. I don’t think it’s for us lesser mortals. Hehe…

  3. @ Venom:


    @ ~Life Is Beautiful~ a.k.a. cruX a.k.a. Natansh

    I agree completely. I categorically refuse to categorize, most of the time.

    And Venom may have the capability and elaan to talk to random people, but I do the same as well. And ONLY I have the capability and sheer attitude to insult and degrade and reduce the ego of a random person to smithereens. I know, it’s not exactly something desirable, but it’s something.

  4. With more precision,

    “Has the capability to talk in a very comforting and friendly way….”

    But yea… that capability of yours can come in handy someday. [:D]

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