Am with the folks in Lucknow. Again… had a lot to say which I muttered to myself as I walked to the cyber cafe and now can’t type anything. I am seriously going to get myself a portable recorder.
Met my relatives after a long time. I’m the “grey sheep” of the family acc. to my mom. The comment doing the rounds was that I cut my hair and look ‘somewhat presentable’ now. <sarcasm>Great!</sarcasm>
Die Batra Wird (TBB in Deutsch) and thou are coming up with lines to fill in the blanks of the T-shirt below (diwali gift, anyone?)
Will post them ideas later. Give some of your own.
I’m strangely at peace with myself. The relaxing early morning train journey (I was in quite a luxurious train) sort of cleared my head up. I met my parents and am far more open to staying here, for a few days, than I was back in July. The reasons for my reluctance back then were quite obvious, of course. I wanted to stay in Bangalore. I still want to stay in Bangalore. So what keeps me back in Delhi? Some say a vibrant social life, but Bangalore’s is better. And besides, travel is a royal pain here. I have made good friends here, but have friends there too. I guess there is no reason why I’m here. I’m just here. So, to anyone I know personally… I’m in Delhi just because of YOU!
Am I happy? I don’t know. I’m active. And that’s rare. As a consequence, I did some weird stuff today morning. I read 50 pages of a book that I didn’t touch ever since I borrowed it from the British Council library 3 weeks ago! Of course, it’s a 1,165-page book so another 1,115 to go! I made my special extra-strong extra-sweet are you insane??™ coffee. I saw Discovery Travel and Living and came to the conclusion that lifestyle channels crush the spirit of the viewer by making them realize what an amazing life it is that they’re missing. I am not able to sit down. I played football with cushions and shadow boxed. I jumped around and did a semi-dance, half-jig, quarter madman hop.
I turned the TV off and listened to the sounds of my surroudings. Housewives gossiping before their 2-year-old kid starts to cry and their mother-in-law nagging them (no wonder girls are strange and freaky and behave in ways that seem completely incomprehensible (to me). If that’s the life they have to look forward to… might as well utilize all their free will right now!). Went outside and saw primary school kids come home. I’m not scared of them, suddenly. It dawned on me that I too was once like them and the unspoken “I’m scared of you, you’re scared of me. Let’s leave like that” agreement with them was lost. I forgot all about Noida and college and life as an “adult” or indeed, as a teenager! I wasn’t tempted to have a go at my Dad’s whiskey collection (drinking is BAD, right?). Memories of childhood rushed back and were gone equally as fast. I was on the fourth floor of St. Andrew’s looking at the HUGE ground and laughing to myself. I was hiding from the PT teacher at Clarence in the one place he’s never going to check… the literature section of the library. I was in Bethany, pulling the “I’m in the basketball team, give me those chips” trick on a guy in the basketball team by telling him, “You’re in the basketball team, give me those chips” and walking away confident that by the time he figures out what I did I’ll be in class. Strange, jes?
Also started some heavy-duty (by my standards) fashionista behavior. Gave myself a strange shave (“soul patch” with a thin Salvador Dali-esque moustache that doesn’t quite reach the end of the lip). Decided to cut my hair. Then decided not to. Decided that I LIKE the fact that my entire wardrobe is either black, blue or red. Decided to wear only black and red from now on.
Went to the market with 20 bucks in my pocket. Something I would never do in Noida (can’t go out without a min. 100 rupees). Had 5-rupee street food and a 3-rupee bunta (a drink that’ll cure your gastroentisis and induce jaundice).
I don’t know what it is… I feel different. Like I’ve come to terms with my paranoid neuroticism. As if I shouldn’t be embarassed of myself and my contradictions. Most strangely, though, I’ve realized that there are some people who I genuinely care about and I AM capable of emotions. Now whether that’s a good thing or not is something I’ve not figured out.
P.S: This post hasn’t come out very well because I lost my train of thought by the time I reached the cyber cafe and the keyboard I’m typing at is shit and caused me to make a gazillion typos and I’m hitting it so hard that my fingers hurt.
P.P.S: Ye in Agra… found a place yet?