This is perhaps one of my “freak-weeks”. Here’s some stuff I’ve been thinking about:
- The last time this happened, I tried writing a book. In 3 days, I wrote 17 pages. Over the next 4, I edited it down to a paragraph. Got bored, lazy and writer’s bloc (sic, you bastards, sic.) then.
- People all over India (have met very few “foreigners”) give me this strange look. Completely blank and one that betrays that everything I say, do or act out is utterly and completely incomprehensible to them. I’m getting MORE of that here. The excrement hits the overhead rotatory cooling device over the simple matter of telling an auto/rickshaw guy to turn. I first tried the good ‘ol All-India method. “<local language> Please </local language> <english> turn left/right </english> <local language> here </local language>”. Usually works everytime and everywhere. Bangalore, Hyderabad, Delhi, Noida. Not Lucknow, however. I tried asking him in pure hindi and he still didn’t get it. Now, I resort to a pat on his shoulder, a finger in the required direction and a grunt for good measure.
- Was watching TV the other day. There was some hip-hop video on Vh1. And something occured to me right there! It was a revelation! Two things, in fact. 1: That hip-hop star (whoever the hell he was) looks a LOT like Chiranjeevi!(Telugu cinema’s quote SUPERSTAR unquote), which led me to 2: Hip-hop is the US equivalent of a Rajnikanth movie! The similarities are striking! They both cater to low intellectual denominations, requiring absolutely NO brains to appreciate. Women, though an integral part, are objectified and treated as merely props in both. They’re both ostentatious, filled with weird tricks using fashion accessories (Rajnikanth’s robe tricks is somewhat like a hip-hop star waving around his chains and rings), both treat the protagonist as living gods etc. It put everything into perfect perspective. Perspective, speaking of which…
- The lights went just as I got this realization. Boredom struck. Nobody at home, I’ve read every book in the house. So what did I do? Pulled out me calculator and began calculating how long each satellite in the LISA has to be from each other (despite the book with the answer was 8 feet away from me). This eventually led me to what I call the ‘Carl Sagan Total Perspective Calculation‘. It’s like being put into the Total Perspective Vortex, but just mathematically. Here is the calculation of how important I am:
Statement: I am 1 in 6 billion homo sapiens sapiens (Of course, I’m a Mensan, that reduces my importance on Earth from 1 in 6 billion to 1 in 120 million people in the top 2 percentile) in one in 9 planets (Pluto STILL counts!) that orbit one in “billions and billions” stars in one in “billions and billions” galaxies which is one in “millions and billions” galaxy clusters which is located in one in “billions and billions” of universes at this point of time and is one in “billions and billions” of universes that have existed throughout time.
Therefore, my level of importance is 1/(.12 x 10^9 x 9 x 10^9 x 10^9 x 10^9 x 10^9 x 10^8 x 10^9 x 10^9 x 10 ^9 x 10^9 x 10^9) = 1 in 1.08 x 10^98