The Good, The Bad and The Oily.

“I-raq, You-raq we all raq for I-raq.” sang the Prez. “Maybe I hav’ta change that to I-ran, you-ran…”. Dubya West-wing sat in a pensive mood in what he calls the not-so-round shape office. “Are we winnin’ Condi?” he asked Corn-dough-pizza Rice.
“It’s only a matter of a few months before you can declare total victory in Iraq and move on to Iran” she replied.
“War? What war, I was askin’ ya if the Texas Rangers won their last game against the LA Angels? Aw heck, doesn’t matter. If they lose, I’ll just draft the USA Rangers Patriot Act.”
“Sir, maybe you should concentrate on how you can prove that Iran’s making Nuclear Weapons”, said Rice. She was practical, but not very smart, or else why would she be West- wing’s Secretary of State?.
“Yeah, otherwise they’ll think it’s personal, like they did when I attacked Eye-raq, but that ain’t true, just ask So-Damn Hissain..He learnt his lesson, right Pop?” he said lookin’ to his ‘My daddy strongest’ poster.
“But sir, what about Ahmadinejad?”
“What! Ahmed is Jenny’s Dad!! That’s it, I’m nukin’ them now! Must be this office, ol’ Bill couldn’t stay faithful and now Laura..” Replied a visibly distraught West-wing.
“No, Ah-ma-dinee-jad, the President of Iran. He and Russia are working out a deal in the nuclear issue” said c-needs-a-pizza, wondering when it’ll be her turn to ask stupid questions to a Secretary of State.
“Gee, them Russians at it again eh? Well, we’ll just havta start a War on Communism as well. ” replied West-wing, rubbing his hands in glee.
“But Russia’s capitalist now.” replied Rice.
“Then we’ll start a War on Capitalism” said west-wing, not wanting these petty issues to ruin his plans.
“But we’re Capitalist!” reminded Rice.
Gee, if it’s not hard enough keepin’ track if I’m a Democrat or a Republican, we have this; thought an impatient West-wing before replying, “Well then find something which they are and we’re not so we can fight ’em!”
“Why don’t just give them your old line, ‘If you’re not one of us, you’re one of them’ ” said Corndough-pizza, which reminded her of Star Wars Episode III and Hayden Christensen.
“Nah…Them Soviets just won’t learn. Why don’t we send Rambo there, or I’ll call my manservant and send that Bond guy..”
“Manservant? Don’t you mean, close partner and ally?” said an alarmed Sec.of State.
“Yeah whatever.” His REAL close partners and allies were that Aussie tennis guy John and Raf. Rosenast, thought West-wing; remembering the good old days in Maine in the 70s.
“Any news on Osama?” asked Rice, waking him from his reverie of the glug-glug, vroom-vroom days.
“Osa-who?” the name sounded familiar to West-wing, but he couldn’t quite place it.
“Osama Bin Laden, we’ve been searching for him for four and a half years now.”
“Oh yeah, that guy. Well, is Bin Laden laden with any WMDs?” retorted West-wing, happy that he finally got a chance to use that new word he’d learnt along with that old word he’d over-used three years ago.
“Yes sir, he is. The ones we gave him in the 80s to fight the USSR.” said Corndoughpizza Rice. She wouldn’t have been surprised had the Prez replied with a “Doh!”. In fact, her respect for him would’ve increased substantially.
“Well, he’ll just hav’ta wait. I’m thinkin'(Corndough snorted at the mention of this) what to do about I-ran and them Russians”
“Remember that we’re messing with oil-rich countries here” reminded Corndough, thinking of Venezuela’s President and his “Don’t mess with me, girl.” He was probably the only guy who had ever called her a girl.
“I got it! We just declare war against I-ran, Russia and anyone who supports them!And while we’re at it, why not invite Venezuela to the party!”
“But that would make the price of Oil rocket!” said Rice frightened.
“Exactly my dear Condi, then we folks at Texas will be the only people who can give the world any oil. The federal deficit will be converted into a federal surplus and the sun will never set on the American Empire!” replied the Prez. Rice looked at him, shock written on every feature of her face. Maybe this guy wasn’t so dumb after all.


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3 responses to “The Good, The Bad and The Oily.

  1. Pingback: Forward To The Past. « The Nature of Chaos

  2. Sneha

    me thinks me read it somewhere.has Bachchi ever written an analogous feature?

  3. I can solemnly swear that I have NOT plagiarized this article, style or idea from anywhere.
    And I’m aware of how many people read Bachchi and Jug every sunday, so I doubt if I’d ever copy her.
    Bush spoofs are all over the place, I think mine resembles the Hu joke, hence the Deja Vu?

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