Horrorscope

I found my horrorscope!! Made at my birth, the priest made a few predictions on the basis of the positions of large balls of gas undergoing a continuous fusion reaction(i.e. stars) and planets. Unfortunately, it was in Hindi and pretty complicated Hindi at that, hence I had more than a little trouble understanding it, but I managed to decipher these few predictions made about me.
1. This boy due to the position of Mars in the highest house will be exceptionally intelligent(ha, ha, ha ,ha, ha!!!) and shall bring honour to the family.
2. Due to the simultaneous presence of the Sun, Venus and Saturn in (some) house, he has good leadership potential.
3. He will establish a special relationship with the public.
4. This boy should be kept very carefully until he is completely learned and ready to face the world.
5. Kethu in the 5th house will cause academic problems despite his intelligence and a break in his education.(thats very reassuring for someone wondering if he’ll get into any college this year!!)
6. His worst period in life will end on 2nd April 2006.(well, life did suck till then, but I see no major difference now)
7. The opposite sex will cause him bother untill he is 19 years of age. (they haven’t caused me so much of a bother yet..hell, they ignore me!!)
8. He has the tendency to be attracted towards evil, hence, moral education is very important for him.
9. He will be extremely sensitive, emotionally, as a boy, but will lose that with age.(That’s very true!!)
All in all, he has the potential to be immortalised.
This proves without a shadow of doubt that astrologers are the biggest fakers around. Will I take this shit seriously, HELL NO!!

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