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Fear and Loathing in Sec.18

• Woke up. At noon. Brushed my teeth.

• Went to Noida’s “hip and happening” sector 18 market.

And did nothing in between. I haven’t shaved in over a week and went, on a saturday afternoon, to the favorite joint of “today’s youth” in this here satellite city in a a very loose pair of pants and a dirty T-shirt. I couldn’t believe the looks I was getting.

To pass the time, BITCH and I (Uncle is in Meerut) decided to check out (bit myself very hard while chewing gum right now…) a new amusement park (Entertainment City or World of Wow or whatever the hell it’s called) that’s opened up behind the Great India Place in sector 18. An entrance fee of 275 rupees!!! And only 7 rides. However, since my only experience of amusement parks were the local fairs of my childhood (where whilst I was in a roller coaster, I swear to God, I saw a couple of bolts fall out from the side) I cannot be a good judge of pricing.

The first ride was good. The popular hindi abuse regarding incestuous relations with a sibling were ripe in the air in the duration of the ride. We proceeded to a couple of good rides (centrifugal force thingy and bumper cars) and so far, so good. The next ride was one where the damned contraption made multiple 360-degree vertical spins approximately 5 stories in the air. I sat in iot for 2 mins and six turns at 3-storey before my brain started acting weird and had to play party-pooper by asking them to stop the ride. Bitch never quite forgave me for that and now firmly believes that I’m a yellow-bellied coward. This, despite his “Homophobe, if I don’t make it out of this… Tell her that I love her, man.” before the ride.

The next ride was similar, but a lot less brain-mangling and hence I could actually enjoy it. The last ride (no.7 was not for people of either of our 6-foot above 60kg builds) was the ever-popular masochist drop tower. More weird stares followed after the ride, the reason being that while everyone else was shouting “AAAAAA!!!!” or “FUUUUCCCCKKKK!!!” or “MUUUMMMMYYYYYY!!!!”, I was shouting, “PERCEPTION IS REALITY! I CHOSE NOT TO PERCIEVE THIS REALITY! WHAT I DO NOT ACKNOWLEDGE IS NOT REAL, HENCE I CHOSE NOT TO ACKNOWLEDGE THE FEAR FROM THIS FALL! I’M NOT HERE!! THIS ISN’T HAPPENING!” And the fact that I kissed the ground when the ride stopped.

I guess everyone who reads this will henceforth always agree with my roommate’s statement, “Dude, you are a wuss.” Maybe I am. But… <insert counter-argument here>

This lead me to wonder… the next person to say that I’m not boring will feel pain the glaivin. I find being hurled up, down and all around the fabric of space-time a non-enjoyable activity and my idea of a “good time” is a soft couch, rock music, coffee and a good book. If that makes me a wuss/wanker in (a mindless insult as junkies have a tendency to wank more) or, as I have always believed, BORING… so be it.

And yet again, a good joke wasted. The bumper cars looked more like wheelchairs than cars and I shouted “TIMMAH!” whenever I hit someone. No reaction at all. None. Why do I even bother?

Movie time…

Minor exams. Major disaster. Don’t ask.

I did, however, see two exceptional flicks right now, in celebration of fucking up my third semester. Trainspotting and Children of Men.

Trainspotting was a movie that Dinesh Kapur waxed eloquently about for almost half-a-year before giving me the DVD. I can understand why. The movie, directed by Danny Boyle deals with the subject of drug abuse and the general shyte that youth across the world get themselves into. A brilliantly made movie with amazing acting and graphic sequences of heroin abuse, sex with a minor and Ewan McGregor diving into the “worst toilet in Scotland” to retrieve a couple of hits of heroin. The effect of the movie was immediate. My roommates have sworn to never drink. Ever. Damn. But I guess that Trainspotting is, unlike RFAD, more funny (in  very dark, sarcastic kind of way!) and features themes that aren’t usually explored in drug-addiction movies or youth flicks. A very mature film which keeps it real while still being funny. And, of course, the classic lines!

Children of Men is a movie George Orwell would’ve been proud to make. It’s amazing how a guy who made this also made, of all things, a Harry Potter movie! But I’m now itching to check out Y tu mamá también. The movie is based in a dystopic London in the year 2027 etc. (read the plot on wiki if you want) I don’t know much about camera-work, but I believe that the cinematography of this film is the mind blowing. There are single-shot sequences that strech up to nearly 5 minutes! The usage of sound and hidden visual messages also make this movie one of the rare flicks that appeal to your brain more than to your eye. It was as TBB said, “the movie was a flop. It’s that good.”

Bad reviews, but it’s 2 AM and I’ve just watched two movies. I strongly recommend both.

The “problems” of my *eugh!* generation…

To summarize the summary of the summary: people are a problem.  ~ The Hitchhiker’s Guide To The Galaxy

One tends to agree.

The latest trend appears to be… depression and suicide. Hmm… I thought that went out along with grunge, but I guess my knowledge of social trends was never very strong in the first place.

I say this because wherever I look; people are depressed, acting like cynics, talking about suicide and the purpose of life and everything else. I somehow can’t tolerate 90% of all this because I know that there are NO problems. There are only attention-seeking stunts to gain sympathy. There are idiots who think wanting to kill themselves is cool and suicide is the best option out. I can’t draw conclusions on such glib facts, but I guess these people are in the same boat as those who smoke/drink/do drugs because it’s also perceived as being cool/kewl/in/hip/<insert social term here>.

My advice to everyone is simple. I’m no expert, infact, I probably go through bouts of depression on a more regular basis than anyone else, but I guess that even then I’m not trying to be a victim. Where was I? Ah, advice.

Before getting depressed about his girl, my roommate came up with a gem.

Here we are. In college. We don’t have enough work to keep us occupied all the time. And whatever work we do get, we never do. We have no money to waste on a social life and no hobbies to pass the time. Thus, we get bored. And when bored, we take each and every minute little problem and blow it out of proportion, just so that we have something to occupy us for the next week or so.

This, before he got depressed about how a girl is treating him.

So, boys and girls… Listen to what these gentlemen have to say.

Good night. And don’t worry, I may not sympathize… but I do pity you. Just, not in the way you want.

A Series of %@*)!)^((^ Events…

In what was one of the most eventful weekends of the pitiful waste of energy and increase of entropy that I like to call my life, there were quite a few completely mundane (to any “normal” person, whatever they are) and highly interesting (to me, can you loosen the straitjacket a little, please?) events. This has resulted in a conundrum of sorts, for that body of white and gray matter located within my cranium (what is called, again?) is unsure whether I must waste precious broadband space in many posts on each topic or one all-encompassing post on everything.

Thursday:

Decided to not attend college, out of a whim. My attendance in all subjects (except Thermodynamics feat. Bano-ki-Moon) is well above the regulatory minimum of 75%, so no risks involved.

Professor CNR Rao was in town, giving a lecture on science education in the current scenario. What was enjoyable was the fact that I could sit a few feet away from the Scientific Advisor to the Prime Minister of India and amongst some pretty distinguished people in the fields of science and journalism without any hassles, with a question thrown in as well. This line ought to compare with some things that will occur later. Prof. Rao spoke of how science in India is being neglected to a shameful extent with everyone chasing “that stupid degree”. He elucidated (with proper statistics, mind you) how India’s scientific output has reduced considerably in the last half-century and how we countries that had only one-hundredth the number of science graduates as we did in 1947 now produce nearly five times as many research papers in almost all disciplines of science. For example, he stated that our global contribution in his field, material chemistry, has reduced from 12% to 3.8% in the span of forty years. He was also critical of how IIT’s, the IISc and TIFR have not come close to their original purpose of providing quality science education, but have merely turned into slave-labor camps for MNCs. My, “why does our education system have a vendetta against original thinking?” received an appreciative look and it was nice to see that despite the whole, “Don’t become a cynic, earn loads of money and you’ll be happy, don’t think for yourself” lectures I have to face elsewhere, one of India’s most respected scientists is a cynic, is happy and active at the age of 75 and advocates original thinking. (Even those who think that they think… check. It is really easy to kid yourself. You cannot just think… you have to Dare to Think)

 
The lecture was followed by my first visit to the place I was to waste my time over the next three days: Rendezvous ’07 @ IIT-Delhi.

There were quite a few firsts this weekend. This one was my first ever Group Dance Competition. Don’t ask what I was doing there or why I was there… let it suffice that I had no choice (no offence meant). It was… interesting? Screw it; I can’t describe stuff like that. Not my thing.

Walking exercise: IIT-Delhi to Dilli Haat (i.e. AIIMS Flyover) and back. Returned and thought that Akhil was asleep and my entry is now barred, so spent the night at Ashwin’s (a.k.a. BITCH) friend, Arjun’s place.

Friday:

Happy Disaster Day, everyone!

The Clash of the Titans! (Debate). Something must be done about this, pronto! I know! A letter that’ll never reach!

Dear Sir,

This is in regards to the Clash of the Titans, round 1 elimination process.

If you want to eliminate people based on a first round extempore… kindly refrain from distributing such unevenly skewed topics. Next time around, there will be damage and pain (in and out of the glaivin, sir… In AND out…)

Sincerely,

THF

It’s not a loser’s rant. It’s a sore loser’s rant… But imagine being asked to speak for four minutes on “Pedophiles should be electronically tagged” with a couple of minute’s preparation (I refuse to believe that I got four minutes! I didn’t, goddamit!) Therefore, in I went, with just one point… “Pedophiles should be electronically tagged”… Err… yes, they should? Complete and utter Dresden of my debating hopes. Plus only two to qualify from my pool. Didn’t stand an elk’s chance in a superno… fuck you!

Thanks to the above scatological experiment, I missed Sphinx, the quiz. The qualifiers were easy, the finals were pretty alright. B dot Hasin answered a killer question on Indian comics that earned him a standing ovation. Nothing much more.

Again, for ineffable reasons, I cannot say what or why… but I was at the Fashion Show! Again, a first! There are fewer sheer displays of the kind of shallow, mind-numbing animalistic weirdness. The theme was psychedelic… and the music was Limp Bizkit, RATM and “Shiny Disco Balls”. Need I say more?

Note: Try keeping ‘A Punchup at a Wedding’ ~ Radiohead as a song whilst walking down the ramp.

Saturday:

Zoom-In (another quiz): In a repeat of the Spectrum (DCE) debacle, we topped the prelims (glorification alert: I cracked a good one about Herge drawing himself into frames of Tintin comics). The first half went well, in the lead and a super-connect of Monty Python which B dot didn’t allow me answer earlier. Then… shock, paralysis and we stay stuck at 10 points whilst 4 others move to 17, 15, 12 and 11. 1^st to 5^th in the span of 4 rounds? WHAT. THE. FUCK.

After this, I was in no mood to JAM and could not afford to depress myself further by messing up my 100% record in JAMs.

Went to visit and return a rock show pass to a random person as I was in no mood to do anything. Returned to Noida, read some Calvin and Hobbes and stared at the V for Vendetta folder… why don’t I have the software to read it!!!!

Sunday:

Temporarily recovered from my depression in time for one of the most eventful and pocket-blasting days in history!

Started with Kombat, the open quiz. Arul Mani, the KQA’s favorite son and my school friend and senior, Ajay Aravind’s role model was the quizmaster. The who’s who of Delhi quizzing had assembled themselves. The quiz of a standard I had never seen before in Delhi. We were tied with the IIT-D team on 13 in the qualifier… guess how much the qualifying cut-off was? In hindsight, one can say that we have to replace our stock random answer of “Canada” with “Che Guevara”. The finals were good too. And the lesson for today, kids… never mess with my wild-ass guesses! Talked to dk regarding something I had never talked to anyone previously. Don’t ask me why, I don’t know. I guess that despite being wildly different people in every imaginable aspect (geography, appearance, popularity levels etc.); I can somehow connect with the same feeling of underachieving guilt and sheer frustration.

Returned to Noida. Went to rpm to watch Man U v Chelsea. The Bitch was overjoyed when he received permission to drink Breezers, at least. Akhil and I stuck to the same for financial reasons. And yes… WE WON! With or without Jose, Chelsea bashing comes next after Arsenal-bashing. The first goal was well done, but didn’t like the taste of their own medicine second goal. Went from there to Bikanervala at sec.37 for dinner.

On the way back, Ashwin and I got one of the strangest ideas imaginable. We decided to drive down to Pari Chowk in Greater Noida, 26 kms away. Tried the Dadri route first. Actually entered Greater Noida before the cops sent us back due to some blockade. I have never seen Greater Noida and wasn’t going to let an opportunity pass me by. We decided to take the expressway instead! So there we were… half-past-midnight, I’m without a helmet on Ashwin’s TVS Apache with a half-tank of petrol on the 23-km long Greater Noida Expressway. Towards the end of the journey, there were fears of an empty tank. Just as we were contemplating calling someone I know who stays at Greater Noida to spend the night there… a Bharat Petroleum station shows up! Ashwin’s refuels and we make it to Pari Chowk! Didn’t spend too much time there, Ashwin (like most other people, actually) was too scared of the cops. Somehow, I’m not. Came back to sec.49 at one-thirty A.M. Akhil was pissed off, but you can’t blame us, it was spontaneous and he would’ve vetoed it had he been there!

Those were the events that transpired this weekend in a highly summarized format.

Nom de Plume

Yes, yes… I’ve changed my blog’s name. Actually, I think I’ve added a very slight semblance of rationale in the name change, seeing that now my url and blog title are the same. Does this make any difference whatsoever? Probably not.

The name… Chaosverse is something I came up with back in 2001-02. If the word had existed before then, I was blissfully unaware of it. I reveled in my own glory as I came up with a neat little catchword with multiple-layered meanings, and now, nearly seven years later…I am going to explain the whole damn thing.

It follows an equation so simple it is, like mostly everything else in my life and indeed, the universe… absolutely absurd.

CHAOSVERSE = Chaos + Verse

The first meaning of the word is infact, its source. The place we exist in, encapsulated in space-time and permeated throughout by a Higgs Field, where the laws of physics are applicable. That place is known as the Universe. Or, as the Greeks and Carl Sagan liked to call it, the Cosmos. I wanted a word to describe the very opposite of the universe. The primordial void from whence the universe came forth via the Big Bang and perhaps the region that exists in the singularity of a black hole. So… I took the opposite of Cosmos… and added a verse to it, and voila! Chaosverse!

The second layer applies to the actual blog. I believe, hope, wish and pray (Atheist. Just an expression, but can’t take chances, can I?) That the blog behaves like a chaosverse, i.e. as a chaosverse does not follow the laws that govern our or any other universe, but was the predecessor of the universe… the chaosverse must also not follow any laws of writing and blogospherical pseudo-intelligentsia. However, I hope that from this anarchy can come forth ideas and order.

The third reason stems from the actual wordplay. Observe:

cha·os /ˈkeɪ ɒs/ [key-os] –noun

1.	A state of utter confusion or disorder; a total lack of organization or order.

2.	Any confused, disorderly mass: a chaos of meaningless phrases.

3.	The infinity of space or formless matter supposed to have preceded the existence of the ordered universe.

Etymology: c.1440, “gaping void,” from L. chaos, from Gk. khaos “abyss, that which gapes wide open, is vast and empty,” from *khnwos, from PIE base *gheu-, *gh(e)i- “to gape” (cf. Gk khaino “I yawn,” O.E. ginian, O.N. ginnunga-gap). Meaning “utter confusion” (1606) is extended from theological use of chaos for “the void at the beginning of creation” in Vulgate version of Genesis.

verse  /vɜrs/ [vurs]  –noun

1.	(Not in technical use) a stanza.

2.	A succession of metrical feet written, printed, or orally composed as one line; one of the lines of a poem.

3.	A particular type of metrical line: a hexameter verse.

4.	A poem, or piece of poetry.

5.	Metrical composition; poetry, esp. as involving metrical form.

6.	Metrical writing distinguished from poetry because of its inferior quality: a writer of verse, not poetry.

7.	A particular type of metrical composition: elegiac verse.

8.	The collective poetry of an author, period, nation, etc.: Miltonian verse; American verse.

“What’s in a name? That which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet.”  

To the quiet…

Welcome to democracy, ladies and gentlemen. One of the fundamental tenets of democracy is freedom of speech. The internet is perhaps the 2nd largest democracy in the world, after India. Yes, after India. You have no idea how huge this country’s population is.

There are nearly 7,000 hits on this here blog and a disproportionately low number of comments. You know what that means… I don’t have to spell out for you, do I?

People read and leave. People… read… the damned post… and browse away… without even having the courtesy of leaving a single, bloody comment!

I know you’re out there! Please, have a heart! Give me some meagre amount of satisfaction and leave a comment. Say what you think about the post, the blog, the author etc. You can do it!

In anticipation…

A Nike Advert…

You know the slogan. It’s true.

Even if it involves late-night, trans-state travel in forms of hired transport that fleece you. Even if it involves spending what are relative to oneself, lavish amounts of money every step of the way. Even if it involves the supreme possibilty of self-humiliation. Even if it involves the risk of your words, gestures, actions and thoughts being thoroughly misconstructed and taken in a completely negative context. Even if all you get in the end is twenty minutes.

Nike’s slogan is right.

P.S: I have observed a lack in any science in my past few posts, but will be back with one on Quantum Entanglement and Vacuum Bombs soon enough, thanks.

What kind of a playlist is THIS?

I don’t know why I’m listening to this stuff, but I guess I’m giving my usual staples of Led Zeppelin, Radiohead, Coldplay, Pink Floyd and Dire Straits a bit of a reprieve.

So, this is what flows to mine ears currently:

• ‘Gaand Mein Danda’ – Bodhi Tree
• ‘Nookie’ – Limp Bizkit
• ‘Smooth Criminal’ – Alien Ant Farm
• ‘Like A Rolling Stone’ – Bob Dylan
• ‘Mumbhai’ – Javed Jaffrey (OST – Bombay Boys)
• ‘You Know My Name’ – Chris Cornell (OST – Casino Royale)
• ‘Osmosis’ – Liquid Tension Experiment
• ‘I Wish You Were Here’ – Incubus
• ‘Still Waiting’ – Sum 41
• ‘Headstrong’  -Trapt
• ‘Welcome To India’ – Vikram feat. Ludakrishna
• ‘Seven Nation Army’ – The White Stripes
• ‘Weenie In A Bottle’ – Weird Al Yankovic

With a familiar one in the end,

• ‘The Trooper’ – Iron Maiden

Ashwin and I were in the mood to roam the length of Delhi all night and regret everything we did the next day, but Akhil Uncle buzzkilled it. (‘Pragmatism not Idealism’)

And I feel better. Less confused, more confident? Maybe.

Line # 42/2 of Fitter Happier

I guess it is vital to do contradictory things.

I have to be subtle and get the point across loud and clear.

I have to be truthful and not say too much.

Most importantly, I must NOT confuse, confound, puzzle, boggle, blabber, beat around the bush, irritate and repeat myself.

To be as succinct as possible, I’m feeling kinda low.

The reasons:

1. I’m in a level of emotional uncertainty that is unparalleled in my entire existence.
2. I’m insecure and know exactly why I’m insecure (but the why is something for me to know and you to not give a damn about). I am, however, confused about why should the nameless fear make me feel insecure.
3. As stated before, I’m a novice whilst most people got past this years ago. On the other hand, I got past issues most people will have years into the future, right now.
4. I guess I’m acting like an Asshole.

The solution to this was found by my roommate, Akhil.

Two bottles later and I was singing songs from ‘The Bends’ out loud. Especially ‘Black Star’. Subtle, right? (Special mention: Ashwin Murali, nice bartending. Liked what you did with the apple+vodka combos)

I suddenly decided that a Indian (Native-American) Stomp Dance ought to be appropriate for the moment. With the poster of RPF as our veneered god, I began hopping in circles.

Then, the talking began. This phase mostly involved the usage of words and phrases like, ”Fuck! Man! Fuck!”, “I’m screwed!”, “you’re screwed!”, “I’m not drunk!”, “No! I’m not drunk!!”, “*evil laugh* I’m so fucking drunk!!!” etc.

It ended with a bucket of water on my face and some “Screw you! What do you know?”.

It is said that when drunk, people react in two ways:

1. Quiet. In a corner, saying nothing.
2. Loud. Gibberish flows.

And in the emotional category, there comes:

1. Happy and grinning/laughing to themselves.
2. Sad. Discontent, depressed and infuriated.

My state was quite obvious, but just to get the point across clearly… I put Marvin to shame.

And that’s that.

Before the customary derogatory comments come in, I’m stopping. For good.

I just wanted to get drunk once to see what it feels like. It merely opens you up. You say stuff you’d rather not say, and contrary to my hopes, it did nothing to any creative talents. My mind did not open up like a flower and words came, but they were terrible. So, there you go. No drinking.

Until the next time?

P.S: The article claims that the best concentration is 38%. I was swigging 45% neat.